bdt2002
Pokémon Ranger: Guardian Signs superfan
So many people, myself included, have not experienced what you have gone through. As such, people in my shoes, as evident by myself, may be very quick to falsely assume that the only affects left by one's life experiences are physical by nature. This could absolutely not be further from the truth; our physical pain heals over time, but the strains of mental health linger as our brains process our feelings of past experiences. From what I'm gathering, an OCD diagnosis seems almost guaranteed at this point, so much so to where I'd run these tests for you if you wanted to if I was at that point in my career. But, I digress. If it helps clear anything up, I've often heard that OCDs (as in the people who have the disorders) share a surprising amount of mental symptoms with ADHDs.Thank you for the belated birthday. Despite my new "freedoms" I don't think I'll be moving out soon. I'm still 2 years behind on my development because of cancer and then a year of isolation from Covid. I don't even have a driver's license yet. I don't expect me to be moving out soon unless it's for college.
That last line is very nice and thoughtful, but I've always been way worse with mental stuff than physical. I'd argue the lasting effects of the cancer was probably the mental effect it had on me. I couldn't describe it but I'll just say since I finished in January 2020 I've felt 0 effects from cancer or chemo compared to potential mental issues the ordeal left on me.
I'm not ruling out neurodivergence yet, but I think OCD is much, much more likely, to the point where I almost feel comfortable self-diagnosing myself with it due to how much it fits with some of my experiences with intrusive thoughts. I'd say I'm more of a Pure "O" type however, I don't have any clear cut compulsions like other people I've seen, aside from just trying to avoid the thoughts and what triggers them.
On the bright side I did convince my mom to let me get tested for ADHD. I've started thinking that's also less likely but it would, like OCD, explain a good deal about me and my past experiences, although it's not as severe as what I think could be the OCD.
There is a quote that explains what I'm going through perfectly: "Intrusive thoughts latch on to the things that are important to you. For example, I adore animals, if the idea popped into my head that I could harm an animal, this would certainly grab my attention, as it would shake my values to their core and cause me untold amounts of anxiety."
E: I have noticed a theme with most of my thoughts (although I don't think it applies to all of them): It starts with me being confused about something, then I obsessively try to figure that thing out, only for me to not figure it out immediately/get more confused, and then obsessively question my knowledge on the subject until I eventually fall into a depression, mostly trying to avoid the thoughts but still desperately trying to "solve them"
It is very true that intrusive thoughts latch on to the best of us. Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here. (Likely in private messages, but still.)