Eh. I don't consider xe and similar to be particularly hipster, they're reasonably well established. They also tend to follow the same inflections as they or gendered pronouns (though some don't, like xe itself and others like zey), and in the case of the ones that start with x they follow the tradition of using x to replace gendered suffixes (see: princex, latinx). They can be a pain to get right but I don't think they're particularly obnoxious in the way nounself pronouns are. Also apparently I mistook neopronouns to be a synonym for nounself pronouns, whoops. Didn't realise neopronouns included xey and pals.
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Serious LGBTQ
- Thread starter Chinchou
- Start date
- Status
Kissing in public and/or PDA
Anyone (gay) get kinda anxious doing this? I was talking to my bf about this and told him I'm sorry if it ever seems like I'm kinda anxious about showing PDA or kissing in public and he said he hadn't noticed anything, but it's still something that's been on my mind because I think I'm like overly aware of my surroundings when we are doing anything like that, and I don't wanna seem paranoid or make things uncomfortable for him in public, but at the same time this is Wisconsin and I'm not gonna let my guard down.
aka my current conundrum. Am I being overly paranoid? Should I just not worry about it and do what normal straight couples do (without being THAT couple showing too much)?
Oh ya and I have a bf!
Anyone (gay) get kinda anxious doing this? I was talking to my bf about this and told him I'm sorry if it ever seems like I'm kinda anxious about showing PDA or kissing in public and he said he hadn't noticed anything, but it's still something that's been on my mind because I think I'm like overly aware of my surroundings when we are doing anything like that, and I don't wanna seem paranoid or make things uncomfortable for him in public, but at the same time this is Wisconsin and I'm not gonna let my guard down.
aka my current conundrum. Am I being overly paranoid? Should I just not worry about it and do what normal straight couples do (without being THAT couple showing too much)?
Oh ya and I have a bf!
EV
Banned deucer.
I've been out at straight bars/clubs when I lived in Portland, Oregon--supposedly a very gay-friendly city--and still been nervous when my boyfriend at the time wanted some luv.
It doesn't matter where you live (Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, New York,) there's still a risk involved when you want to kiss or hold hands with your same-sex partner/significant other, and I'm very aware of it. As such I reserve affection for "our turf" (les gay bars) or when I'm at home/his house.
So to answer the question directly, you may be overly paranoid, or you may just be realistic. I'd rather err on paranoia, however, and not get beat up. It feels like hate crimes are on the rise in the Seattle area, particularly on Capital Hill where the gay community is under a process of gentrification, so with that knowledge in mind I'm going to protect myself and the people I'm with and save the kissing for later.
It doesn't matter where you live (Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, New York,) there's still a risk involved when you want to kiss or hold hands with your same-sex partner/significant other, and I'm very aware of it. As such I reserve affection for "our turf" (les gay bars) or when I'm at home/his house.
So to answer the question directly, you may be overly paranoid, or you may just be realistic. I'd rather err on paranoia, however, and not get beat up. It feels like hate crimes are on the rise in the Seattle area, particularly on Capital Hill where the gay community is under a process of gentrification, so with that knowledge in mind I'm going to protect myself and the people I'm with and save the kissing for later.
Well I like in Mexio, Yucatán specifically, and I've never have to worry about being overly affectionate (though admittedly I don't usually kiss in public but I often hold hands and rest my head into their shoulder), I tend to err on the cautious when I'm on a more deserted place and when it's dark, but when I'm on public I don't actually care if anyone's watching (though this did got my ex and I to be kicked out of a mall here where I live). I say public places with a lot of people are a safe place and unlikely to get you in trouble, but more concealed places are to be careful. I have a little quirk that whenever I enter a new place I make sure to find a way to escape if I ever find myself in trouble, call it a defense mechanism from school bullying but it works for me.
so @ the post I made a while ago (somewhere on page 25). I did read everyone's replies even though I didn't really acknowledge them. Thanks for the advice and for sharing your own stories. This is still an issue for me so I am basically just gonna distance myself from him for a while. It sucks a lot since he's part of my main friend group which means I won't really see my friends but w/e, it's better for me in the long run. :'(
you'e a gfreat dude i believe in you :) just remember we all care about you keep your head up bro :)
My self consciousness about this has only very recently stemmed from a situation in which all I was doing was chilling at a lowkey party with some friends and a very drunken bastard approached me and started making incredibly inappropriate remarks and asking personal questions, making rude gestures, etc. If I'm dressed rather subtly and not doing anything out of sorts to make myself any more prominent than the people I'm around and still get taunted for my sexuality (when, mind you, the general public doesn't know my sexuality because it isn't written on my fucking forehead, contrary to popular belief), then I'm not about to be forward with PDA. The idea just makes me uncomfortable. If that's how I'm treated normally, how would a random person in a crowd react if they saw my hugging or kissing my SO in a public place? stress
The Kitty Cat
Banned deucer.
You should make sexual propositions to bastards in situations of that (not-yet-sexual) nature. He is drunk. "Straight" guys do hot things when drunk.
He was 200lbs and unpleasantly reminiscent of a character from Duck Dynasty. I'll pass.
The Kitty Cat
Banned deucer.
Big bears know how to make a man feel like a real woman.
For a while recently, I've been struggling with the notion of being bi. A couple weeks back, astroboy told me I should post here once I came out to him, and I'm finally working up the courage to do so. So here goes nothing...
All my life I've felt different then all the other boys my age. I wasn't that weird/antisocial kid who stayed to my self, but rather I've just never been that masculine. I've never been into stuff typically stereotyped as "Manly", be it sports, cars, or working with tools. This may not seem like a big deal, but my particular situation makes it a rather awkward position to be in. When I was young, my mom met my (now)step father, who is what could be called a "man's man". Growing up he always expected me to be like him, which I will generalize for the sake of simplicity as just masculine. This combined with him being strictly conservative has always made my life miserable for reasons I couldn't explain until about a month ago. Compounding the matter to make it even worse is when I was 11, my family packed up and moved from a metropolitan city area to a small little town that I swear is the most discriminatory place in Michigan. This is where a problem of mine comes into play. I can't come out IRL for risk of being bullied and/or harassed for the rest of highschool. So that's not an option. On another note, I tried coming out to my parents, which is a big step I suppose. But they refuse to accept it. When I told then I thought I was bi, my dad slapped me and then neither of my parents talked to me for close to 2 weeks, and now they act like nothings happened. That I guess, is why I'm posting here. I would rather come out on the internet, where no one actually cares about my sexuality, compared to me getting picked on for the next 2.5 years if I do so IRL. Sorry for the long ass post, but this is something I've been holding on to for a bit and it honestly feels so great to be able to tell people, While typing this I feel like all the pressure building up in me has subsided and I don't know if I can honestly express how amazing it feels to finally put this out there, into words, for the whole world(or at least a bunch of people on a pokemon site) to see. Thanks for reading :)
All my life I've felt different then all the other boys my age. I wasn't that weird/antisocial kid who stayed to my self, but rather I've just never been that masculine. I've never been into stuff typically stereotyped as "Manly", be it sports, cars, or working with tools. This may not seem like a big deal, but my particular situation makes it a rather awkward position to be in. When I was young, my mom met my (now)step father, who is what could be called a "man's man". Growing up he always expected me to be like him, which I will generalize for the sake of simplicity as just masculine. This combined with him being strictly conservative has always made my life miserable for reasons I couldn't explain until about a month ago. Compounding the matter to make it even worse is when I was 11, my family packed up and moved from a metropolitan city area to a small little town that I swear is the most discriminatory place in Michigan. This is where a problem of mine comes into play. I can't come out IRL for risk of being bullied and/or harassed for the rest of highschool. So that's not an option. On another note, I tried coming out to my parents, which is a big step I suppose. But they refuse to accept it. When I told then I thought I was bi, my dad slapped me and then neither of my parents talked to me for close to 2 weeks, and now they act like nothings happened. That I guess, is why I'm posting here. I would rather come out on the internet, where no one actually cares about my sexuality, compared to me getting picked on for the next 2.5 years if I do so IRL. Sorry for the long ass post, but this is something I've been holding on to for a bit and it honestly feels so great to be able to tell people, While typing this I feel like all the pressure building up in me has subsided and I don't know if I can honestly express how amazing it feels to finally put this out there, into words, for the whole world(or at least a bunch of people on a pokemon site) to see. Thanks for reading :)
EV
Banned deucer.
Paraplegic I'm proud of you for sharing this. Taking the first step toward whatever goal you have in terms of coming out is scary. If you can't find the support you want and need irl, I sincerely hope you can find it here in a community that supports one another.
Not everyone comes out completely. For those who do, it can take them a very very long time. I believe each person should handle coming out on their terms, so while even if you can't come out for a few years because of your situation with your family, you've already done so much by accepting yourself. The rest will come when the time is right. For now you just have to do what you think is best.
Not everyone comes out completely. For those who do, it can take them a very very long time. I believe each person should handle coming out on their terms, so while even if you can't come out for a few years because of your situation with your family, you've already done so much by accepting yourself. The rest will come when the time is right. For now you just have to do what you think is best.
So I've discussed my sexuality here before but I figured it's time I talk about more surrounding it.
I was the target of boatloads of homophobic bullying in middle school due to being perceived as gay after turning down one girl I was not interested in. This basically forced me into homophobic views I held at least until mid-sophomore year high school (I was banned from a MapleStory forum ca. 2008-2009 for homophobic comments) and delayed full acceptance of my sexuality by years. I was also raised in a devout Christian household (but I myself have been atheist since mid-2009) with a mom who firmly believed (and still believes) sexuality is a choice, which also probably played a factor. It pretty much took being friends with a bisexual girl (who I remain friends with to this day) to get those views out of my head.
Yet, even then, going into college, I couldn't shake that bullying I had been subjected to in middle school. I was still suppressing same-sex attractions. I could accept other people's sexuality, but not my own. I guess the state I was in at the time could be best described as cognitive dissonance, where I knew I had same-sex attractions but firmly believed I wasn't supposed to be gay/bisexual. I started talking to a friend who was also questioning her sexuality about it and that helped me come to terms with being bisexual.
I guess my takeaway here is that if you meet a homophobic person, to echo ryan's statements, just talk to them. They might be facing the same internal conflict I was facing. Talking to them might be just what they need to come to terms with themselves. Of course, this doesn't apply to all of them, but it certainly applies to some of them.
I guess I still haven't resolved everything. Earlier when this school year started, I had a crush on one of my roommates (who I now know to be straight so it's not like I can ask him out.) So I guess really, I have absolutely no fucking idea how to approach a guy I'm interested in, but then again, I barely even know how to talk to girls and the SJW-like views people hold at my college has only served to exacerbate my social anxiety. I mean, I guess what I really need is to deal with my social anxiety but I don't really know how to approach guys I'm interested in, social anxiety or not.
I was the target of boatloads of homophobic bullying in middle school due to being perceived as gay after turning down one girl I was not interested in. This basically forced me into homophobic views I held at least until mid-sophomore year high school (I was banned from a MapleStory forum ca. 2008-2009 for homophobic comments) and delayed full acceptance of my sexuality by years. I was also raised in a devout Christian household (but I myself have been atheist since mid-2009) with a mom who firmly believed (and still believes) sexuality is a choice, which also probably played a factor. It pretty much took being friends with a bisexual girl (who I remain friends with to this day) to get those views out of my head.
Yet, even then, going into college, I couldn't shake that bullying I had been subjected to in middle school. I was still suppressing same-sex attractions. I could accept other people's sexuality, but not my own. I guess the state I was in at the time could be best described as cognitive dissonance, where I knew I had same-sex attractions but firmly believed I wasn't supposed to be gay/bisexual. I started talking to a friend who was also questioning her sexuality about it and that helped me come to terms with being bisexual.
I guess my takeaway here is that if you meet a homophobic person, to echo ryan's statements, just talk to them. They might be facing the same internal conflict I was facing. Talking to them might be just what they need to come to terms with themselves. Of course, this doesn't apply to all of them, but it certainly applies to some of them.
I guess I still haven't resolved everything. Earlier when this school year started, I had a crush on one of my roommates (who I now know to be straight so it's not like I can ask him out.) So I guess really, I have absolutely no fucking idea how to approach a guy I'm interested in, but then again, I barely even know how to talk to girls and the SJW-like views people hold at my college has only served to exacerbate my social anxiety. I mean, I guess what I really need is to deal with my social anxiety but I don't really know how to approach guys I'm interested in, social anxiety or not.
I've been thinking a lot recently about gender identity and how it relates to me. These aren't really opinions as much as they are not-fully-formed thoughts, so I'd love to hear all of your input.
I go to college at UCLA. Compared to the rest of the world, we're pretty progressive and I feel comfortable with expressing myself in every facet.
I identify currently as gay, with he/him pronouns, but I'm also very aware that my gender is constructed and that I am certainly not "fully male" in the sense that I conform to all expectations of how males /should/ act - I've worn eye makeup for special occasions, I've tried drag for fun, etc, etc. Basically, I'm in some ways your average "fem gay guy".
The intersection of gender and sexuality is something that I've seen unfortunately degrade over the years - watch any coming out video from the last five years and there's a very good chance you'll hear something about how "all my sexuality determines is who I fuck/date!"; a statement that is different stages of false depending on "how gay" you are. It's interesting that (although it's obviously very bad terminology to use) me saying "how gay" you are immediately brings to mind the intensity of feminine qualities - yet at the same time we use "gay" to solely mean attraction to men. It goes without saying that the oppression experienced by "straightgay" (thanks to Gaylaw for this term) people is very different than that experienced by feminine gay people, and I think we ought to start discussing how gender nonconformity plays into that.
If a boy is bullied for having a feminine voice, or is called a sissy for doing ballet, or is ridiculed for his hand gesticulations, is that an attack on his sexuality or an attack on his gender nonconformity? Currently, society is very quick to point to victims' gayness as the root cause, but to me it almost seems like the attraction to men is simply one facet of nonconformity to traditional male expectations rather than an explicitly dominant trait. While the idea that that bullied boy might be attracted to the bully is threatening to the bully, the other aspects of deviance from male expectations may be equally as threatening. It's well documented that "straightgay" people often experience far less bias and are also highly tokenized in order for straight people to demonstrate their open-mindedness. The idea of a "gay bro" and the common quasi-accepting remarks of "i don't mind if people are gay as long as they're not -insert feminine-related slur here-" are pretty obvious reminders of this.
This strict retention of male and female can even be seen within the gay community, which is obsessed with categorizing people into the sexually inaccurate terms "top" and "bottom" (inaccurate because the vast majority of people are pretty vers). Similarly to the fact that "gay" does not only refer to who you like, these words have taken on feminine and masculine aspects. The drag queen willam has joked that "you're not a top if you say it with two syllables" (referring to the lilting, feminine speech associated with femme gay men), and I've had people tell me "you're such a bottom" after I do something particularly feminine.
At the same time, I'd feel rather uncomfortable identifying as nonbinary - sexuality and gender are both essentially spectrums, and I feel like I'm not far enough along on the spectrum to where I'd like to be referred to with gender-neutral pronouns or claim to be not male.
The strange thing is that I don't feel a need to identify as anything other than gay because when I say I'm gay (e.g., when people hear the inflection of my voice, see my outfit and my pastel purple/blue/green hair, notice my stance, the placement of my hands), the information is immediately transmitted that I not only enjoy the D but am also a fairly feminine person. I'd use the more all-encompassing term of "queer" but i don't even feel a need to - and in many ways that confuses me. Do you all have thoughts on this? I'm really curious to hear them.
(P.S. I focused this on men because obviously I can not speak on behalf of queer people of other genders but I think the terms "lipstick lesbian" and "butch lesbian" have similar connotations)
I go to college at UCLA. Compared to the rest of the world, we're pretty progressive and I feel comfortable with expressing myself in every facet.
I identify currently as gay, with he/him pronouns, but I'm also very aware that my gender is constructed and that I am certainly not "fully male" in the sense that I conform to all expectations of how males /should/ act - I've worn eye makeup for special occasions, I've tried drag for fun, etc, etc. Basically, I'm in some ways your average "fem gay guy".
The intersection of gender and sexuality is something that I've seen unfortunately degrade over the years - watch any coming out video from the last five years and there's a very good chance you'll hear something about how "all my sexuality determines is who I fuck/date!"; a statement that is different stages of false depending on "how gay" you are. It's interesting that (although it's obviously very bad terminology to use) me saying "how gay" you are immediately brings to mind the intensity of feminine qualities - yet at the same time we use "gay" to solely mean attraction to men. It goes without saying that the oppression experienced by "straightgay" (thanks to Gaylaw for this term) people is very different than that experienced by feminine gay people, and I think we ought to start discussing how gender nonconformity plays into that.
If a boy is bullied for having a feminine voice, or is called a sissy for doing ballet, or is ridiculed for his hand gesticulations, is that an attack on his sexuality or an attack on his gender nonconformity? Currently, society is very quick to point to victims' gayness as the root cause, but to me it almost seems like the attraction to men is simply one facet of nonconformity to traditional male expectations rather than an explicitly dominant trait. While the idea that that bullied boy might be attracted to the bully is threatening to the bully, the other aspects of deviance from male expectations may be equally as threatening. It's well documented that "straightgay" people often experience far less bias and are also highly tokenized in order for straight people to demonstrate their open-mindedness. The idea of a "gay bro" and the common quasi-accepting remarks of "i don't mind if people are gay as long as they're not -insert feminine-related slur here-" are pretty obvious reminders of this.
This strict retention of male and female can even be seen within the gay community, which is obsessed with categorizing people into the sexually inaccurate terms "top" and "bottom" (inaccurate because the vast majority of people are pretty vers). Similarly to the fact that "gay" does not only refer to who you like, these words have taken on feminine and masculine aspects. The drag queen willam has joked that "you're not a top if you say it with two syllables" (referring to the lilting, feminine speech associated with femme gay men), and I've had people tell me "you're such a bottom" after I do something particularly feminine.
At the same time, I'd feel rather uncomfortable identifying as nonbinary - sexuality and gender are both essentially spectrums, and I feel like I'm not far enough along on the spectrum to where I'd like to be referred to with gender-neutral pronouns or claim to be not male.
The strange thing is that I don't feel a need to identify as anything other than gay because when I say I'm gay (e.g., when people hear the inflection of my voice, see my outfit and my pastel purple/blue/green hair, notice my stance, the placement of my hands), the information is immediately transmitted that I not only enjoy the D but am also a fairly feminine person. I'd use the more all-encompassing term of "queer" but i don't even feel a need to - and in many ways that confuses me. Do you all have thoughts on this? I'm really curious to hear them.
(P.S. I focused this on men because obviously I can not speak on behalf of queer people of other genders but I think the terms "lipstick lesbian" and "butch lesbian" have similar connotations)
I'm sorry to hear about your experiences coming out offline :(. It's worth noting, and I think this segues from Kitten Milk's post, that not feeling masculinity doesn't necessarily mean you're bi (which you may be), it just means you don't conform to the expected roles of the gender you were assigned.
That being said, the rest is rather tricky. I personally define my sexuality purely by sexual attraction while others (like KM if I'm reading right, if not then I apologize) include other mannerisms. In the end, I feel like they're labels that don't adequately describe many people's gender and sexual identities and carry different meanings from person to person. I think we should all be allowed to use whatever labels we damn well please to describe ourselves, and at the same time respect and care to understand what other people's labels actually *mean* to them.
So I don't know if monosexism has been discussed here much before but I figured I'd make a post about it.
Monosexism is an issue I've faced as a bisexual, even within the LGBTQ community. I went to gay pride once and I just can't go back because bisexual issues get swept under the rug. I'm honestly not sure if they're trying to maliciously perpetuate monosexism or if they sincerely don't know it exists, but whatever.
Point is, as a bisexual, one thing gets to me more than anything: People saying "people are either gay, straight, or lying." Sexuality is not black-and-white and assuming that it is erases and demeans people who don't fit on either extreme. This might be a bit easier if this sentiment was coming from the Westboro Baptist Church or whatever, because you know, it's pretty easy to just dismiss them as nutjobs. But no. My biggest problem with monosexism is the fact that it's not your typical religious fundamentalists perpetuating it. It's the fact that I find that the people perpetuating it the most are gay men.
Now, hold your horses. I am not saying all gay men are monosexist / biphobic, or even a majority of them. I am saying that it's disproportionately gay men. Earlier, a female user here posted on my wall saying something along the lines of "male bisexuals are homosexuals in denial," and this was the first time I had seen that coming from a woman - I don't even care if they were joking or not. (I will not tell you who the user is, but I will tell you that they have posted in this thread.) Before that, I had heard it exclusively from gay men - homophobes just covered bisexuals under the same heterosexist attitudes that affect gay men and lesbian women. I was actually considering not posting this because if you call out gay men for erasing bisexuals, you'll be accused of being homophobic. Fire whatever you can at me, I don't give a shit. Earlier, TheValkyries said something about people only being here for the first three letters. Well, I'm convinced some people here are only here for the first two. It's time for this erasure to stop. For one, I'm beginning to think there needs to be a separate "bi pride" to focus exclusive attention onto monosexism, but I guess another thing I'd like to see is gay men calling out other gay men for monosexism, not just because I'm not seeing it, but because I'd get accused of homophobia for doing it myself. Something something "Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me."
Monosexism is an issue I've faced as a bisexual, even within the LGBTQ community. I went to gay pride once and I just can't go back because bisexual issues get swept under the rug. I'm honestly not sure if they're trying to maliciously perpetuate monosexism or if they sincerely don't know it exists, but whatever.
Point is, as a bisexual, one thing gets to me more than anything: People saying "people are either gay, straight, or lying." Sexuality is not black-and-white and assuming that it is erases and demeans people who don't fit on either extreme. This might be a bit easier if this sentiment was coming from the Westboro Baptist Church or whatever, because you know, it's pretty easy to just dismiss them as nutjobs. But no. My biggest problem with monosexism is the fact that it's not your typical religious fundamentalists perpetuating it. It's the fact that I find that the people perpetuating it the most are gay men.
Now, hold your horses. I am not saying all gay men are monosexist / biphobic, or even a majority of them. I am saying that it's disproportionately gay men. Earlier, a female user here posted on my wall saying something along the lines of "male bisexuals are homosexuals in denial," and this was the first time I had seen that coming from a woman - I don't even care if they were joking or not. (I will not tell you who the user is, but I will tell you that they have posted in this thread.) Before that, I had heard it exclusively from gay men - homophobes just covered bisexuals under the same heterosexist attitudes that affect gay men and lesbian women. I was actually considering not posting this because if you call out gay men for erasing bisexuals, you'll be accused of being homophobic. Fire whatever you can at me, I don't give a shit. Earlier, TheValkyries said something about people only being here for the first three letters. Well, I'm convinced some people here are only here for the first two. It's time for this erasure to stop. For one, I'm beginning to think there needs to be a separate "bi pride" to focus exclusive attention onto monosexism, but I guess another thing I'd like to see is gay men calling out other gay men for monosexism, not just because I'm not seeing it, but because I'd get accused of homophobia for doing it myself. Something something "Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me."
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"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."
Honestly I wish I could say I could relate just on the basis of being a bi guy as well. While I do know for a fact that people online and in real life dismiss bisexuals as confused, lying, or not trustworthy, I haven't experienced it in my personal life. I definitely feel you and this issue aggravates me immensely because who are you to tell me who I am and am not attracted to, and this is one of the biggest reasons I'm not out besides just general queerphobia.
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."
Honestly I wish I could say I could relate just on the basis of being a bi guy as well. While I do know for a fact that people online and in real life dismiss bisexuals as confused, lying, or not trustworthy, I haven't experienced it in my personal life. I definitely feel you and this issue aggravates me immensely because who are you to tell me who I am and am not attracted to, and this is one of the biggest reasons I'm not out besides just general queerphobia.
EV
Banned deucer.
I would support "bi pride" or awareness tbh. I've dated a handful of bisexual men and I saw how biphobia--especially from the gay community--affected them.
And yes, there are a lot of people who come to this thread just for one or two letters, which is why I've never been a fan of the LGBTQ+ or QUILT BAG "melting pot we're all in this together" mentality.
In response to criticism about keeping the acronym: I'm sorry but I cannot relate to the other letters. What makes you think I understand the plight of the trans community? I'm about as clueless to that experience as a straight person is to mine.
There is value in being a part of a larger, non-cisgender (am I using that correctly?) community to a point, so I guess having a laundry list of letters is useful at times. But having a single thread to discuss these topics all at once is akin to trying to cover every Smogon tier in a single thread over in the competitive forum.
cisgender just means you're comfortable with the gender you were assigned at birth, so I assume you meant something like non-cishet?
It does feel a bit to me like the singular acronym exists in part just because bigots will often treat all gender and sexual minorities the same, because they can't tell the difference sometimes, lmao. From a semantic standpoint I can see how the acronym is very broadly stroking but I'm also glad to support anyone under the umbrella even if our experiences aren't exactly the same, and certainly interested in aiming at common persecutors etc
It does feel a bit to me like the singular acronym exists in part just because bigots will often treat all gender and sexual minorities the same, because they can't tell the difference sometimes, lmao. From a semantic standpoint I can see how the acronym is very broadly stroking but I'm also glad to support anyone under the umbrella even if our experiences aren't exactly the same, and certainly interested in aiming at common persecutors etc
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While we're half on-topic with the bisexuality things,
A week (or so) ago, one of my male friends came out to my "friend group" (which does contain other closeted friends of mine, but that's a separate situation) as bisexual. Immediately, half of the people in that group were saying things like "oh, so you're 'bi'?" (They were saying it in a sarcastic tone as in he was only half-coming out). They kept criticizing him for lying about claiming to identify with a sexuality that "doesn't even exist", and that made me so angry. I wanted to yell at all of them saying things similar to "Stop being such an incompetent swine and realize that it exists," but I was afraid they would begin to criticize me for similar things as well (they, bar said friend, don't know I'm gay). Then, my friend was screaming at them (ok not actually but he was angry) about how it is real, so they replied with "We never said it wasn't real;" they actually did though, "just that guys aren't able to be bi." I felt so bad for my friend because he was basically being denied by almost all of his friends.
Now that I've witnessed this happen with one of my real life friends, I know what every bi person has to deal with. I want to be able to help my friend deal with his issue and defend him, but (this might sound selfish) I don't to risk people finding out my sexuality.
Has any bi person had to deal with this before, and how can I help with this while still being careful?
also Tressed Paraplegic im late but proud of you two :]
A week (or so) ago, one of my male friends came out to my "friend group" (which does contain other closeted friends of mine, but that's a separate situation) as bisexual. Immediately, half of the people in that group were saying things like "oh, so you're 'bi'?" (They were saying it in a sarcastic tone as in he was only half-coming out). They kept criticizing him for lying about claiming to identify with a sexuality that "doesn't even exist", and that made me so angry. I wanted to yell at all of them saying things similar to "Stop being such an incompetent swine and realize that it exists," but I was afraid they would begin to criticize me for similar things as well (they, bar said friend, don't know I'm gay). Then, my friend was screaming at them (ok not actually but he was angry) about how it is real, so they replied with "We never said it wasn't real;" they actually did though, "just that guys aren't able to be bi." I felt so bad for my friend because he was basically being denied by almost all of his friends.
Now that I've witnessed this happen with one of my real life friends, I know what every bi person has to deal with. I want to be able to help my friend deal with his issue and defend him, but (this might sound selfish) I don't to risk people finding out my sexuality.
Has any bi person had to deal with this before, and how can I help with this while still being careful?
also Tressed Paraplegic im late but proud of you two :]
Well, I'm not entirely sure how to approach it as an outsider, having only been on the receiving end of biphobia but never viewing it from the outside. I'd start off with talking to said friend privately and just letting him know that you're on his side on the issue and that you're there for him if he needs anything. I know it's really not much, but just knowing that he has an ally could help him out a lot psychologically & let him know that he has someone to talk to.
At the acronym argument about whether or not different subgroups belong under the same umbrella, I'd like to post this quote I saved long ago from somewhere that apparently was inspired by Julia Serano's book Whipping Girl, that I think perfectly summed it up:
I'm so proud of your journey of accepting yourself and coming out. Though I'm not part of the transgender community, I know a few friends who are M2F. Best of luck to you :)
Sorry if something I say comes off as offensive, I don't really understand transgenderism so I came here.
From what I see people decide to change gender because their interests are stereotypical of the other gender, ie. a guy who plays with dolls wanting to become a girl. I don't agree with this stereotyping. (I don't think personal interest should define gender) Is it because of this you change genders. (This come from the perspective of a straight cisgender who believes in accepting the way you are born btw) Also I don't really buy the 'gender spectrum' concept because quite frankly you are born with a dick or vagina and I don't see why there would be mental spectrum and not a physical one reflected.
Again I don't mean to come across as offensive, I just need someone to explain this stuff to me
From what I see people decide to change gender because their interests are stereotypical of the other gender, ie. a guy who plays with dolls wanting to become a girl. I don't agree with this stereotyping. (I don't think personal interest should define gender) Is it because of this you change genders. (This come from the perspective of a straight cisgender who believes in accepting the way you are born btw) Also I don't really buy the 'gender spectrum' concept because quite frankly you are born with a dick or vagina and I don't see why there would be mental spectrum and not a physical one reflected.
Again I don't mean to come across as offensive, I just need someone to explain this stuff to me
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