I think i'm developing a problem...

[c l e a r]

not sure if this is right place to talk about this kind of stuff, let alone even talking about it...

I used to be in alright terms with my sister, we never really argued, we never really had an issues really. But lately, she seemed so distant and tonight she lashed out at me about something simple and it lead to her saying she hates me.

I mean, it may be just blind anger when she said it to be tonight, or it could have been just as true as the title says. Ever since we moved to the new house and her room is right next to mine now (I used to have my room in the basement), she just scoffs and pretty much ignores me. I could say good morning to her and she wouldn't answer. I could ask her if she wants something to eat and she'll just answer me: Whatever or I don't care or not even an response. She told me that when I ask her stuff, it is "stupid questions" that everyone knows the answer to. Like, I ask her when does she need to get to work, since I needed a ride as well and I need to get ready for that when she gets out. She just seem so... different than I knew her. She even said "I'm tired of dealing with you" when I don't even have any idea what she is fucking talking about.

I don't want to "ignore" her, I love her, and I don't want me and her winded up not talking to each other as adults. I don't want that to happen. Sometimes I wonder if she never wanted to be my sister, just because she so bluntly ignores me on simple greetings or that she never answers when I just want to get her attention.

What should I do now?

 

[Lee]

Sounds like hormones to me, I'm sure it'll blow over in time. In the meanwhile, try not to seriously fall out with her though, or it could actually become something serious.

 

[Dragontamer]

If your sister is anything like mine, there are two potential reasons.

1. She wants you to learn a "lesson"
2. Hormones

In the #1 case, as soon as you figure it out and say sorry about the specific thing... well, she wouldn't care anyway. She wants you to learn a "lesson" anyway. You guys are blood related, you'll patch it up eventually. Especially if you live in the same house.

"Lesson" is in quotes because I've figured out sometimes that it can be as silly as saying thank you or sorry to the wrong thing or whatnot. I know my sister can go on for months trying to get whatever lesson she wants across, but its not like she doesn't care, shes just mad and holds grudges for a long time.

In the #2 case, it generally gets blown over in a day or two (big mood swings). So that makes me think that it would be closer to the #1 case.

I assume it is the #1 case. I suggest you get comfortable, if its a lesson they want they won't let up easily and you might as well sit until they tell you what you did wrong or forget about it. While a month (or longer) seems long, it is still finite. After all, you're blood reletives who've probably lived together your whole lives thusfar.

If you can't figure out what you "did wrong" (in quotes, because they sometimes get mad about things they shouldn't get mad about), I wouldn't sweat it. I wouldn't go and say ignore her, just be as you are with her. I wouldn't go as far and say "don't care", but toughen up a bit. I wouldn't want to hear your complete story, but if you didn't do anything wrong and / or she won't tell you why she's mad at you, there is nothing else you can do.

Anyway, all I can say is this if it really is the #1 case: people tend to think that the other guy can "figure it out". I expect that she'll be calling you stupid any time now because you haven't "figured it out" yet. These sort of puzzles are near impossible to figure out, and it is a well known fact that negative stimulus is not nearly as effective as positive stimulus when it comes to teaching behavior...

Anyway, before I get into psychology (a subject that I haven't touched for several years...) she probably has a vauge idea of what she wants to "teach" you, and thinks you'll learn your lesson if she ignores you and overall is harsh to you.

Thats my sister anyway...

 

[QuickDraw]

yea dude, no matter what happens in your childhood (barring something extremely serious or malicious) you will be able to talk to your sister later in life. when i was living with my family i HATED my siblings. i seriously contemplated how i would feel if one of them died. it was always a shitfight between the three of us and we all wanted to see the others gone. now that i have moved out and have my own space to relax in without them around i have really started to love them. we talk and have fun all the time. a lot of times it is just always being around each other that causes problems. as the old saying goes "familiarity breeds contempt". just give her space and she should cool down. the hormones is another solid point though. chicks are fucking nutcases when their hormones are raging. i say give her some space for a week and if things dont change talk to your parents or get her to sit down with you and tell you why she is angry at you. personally i don't think DT's "lesson" idea is very plausible but bitches are crazy so who knows. oh, how much older is your sister than you?

 

[majesty]

How old is she? I have a sister that I was so distant with since she was...ummm...11? Now I'm 21 and she's 19 and I still think she's a bitch. Point is she's LESS of a bitch now than she was. What are your ages? I'm sure someone will help with that knowledge.

 

[Sunday]

Do you find it happening at the same time each month? Its PMS, just wait a few days for it to blow over?

 

[Dragontamer]

Do you find it happening at the same time each month? Its PMS, just wait a few days for it to blow over?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=1496412&dopt=AbstractPlus

This paper argues that the inconclusiveness surrounding PMS is symptomatic of the persistence of cultural beliefs in the production (and reproduction) of medical knowledge.

I'm sorry that thats the best I can do. I don't have my psychology textbook anymore (why would I need one in an Engineering Degree >_> ). IIRC, there is some evidence that PMS is socially constructed and not necessarily something that actually happens.

*insert social psychology here*

 

[c l e a r]

she's just turning 18 this year, I'm 20.

 

[FiveKRunner]

Wow, now that you point out the ages, it makes her sound really immature. You say that you don't want to end up not talking as adults but it sounds like you're already there.

Any more details that you can come up with on why she might be mad? Otherwise, I know you said you didn't want to and other will chew me out for it, but I'd ignore her. Seriously, just make it look like you'd rather not deal with her and maybe she'll come around.

The way you told it though, I would've guessed that you two were in your mid to lower teens. Has anything big or unfortunate happened to her lately?

 

[Basics]

Lol, I thoguht this thread was going in like... completely another direction when I read the first paragraph. I mean don't get me wrong, it's cool that I didn't, but just... well I'm kind of disappointed now.

 

[Bioshock]

If she is 18 maybe she is hanging out with some "bad" people? I mean my guess is that you dont know much about her personal life. I had a friend who decided to go all emo when this new girl came to the school and befriended her. This new girl left and my friend has returned to normal.


It could be something kinda similar.

 

[Jobes]

I am guessing it is PMS (pre-menstral syndrome) it is when a girl gets all bitchy before a period. If so, It'll go away soon. Also, it could be that maybe something happened that REALLY pissed her off. like, possibly involving u, or even not, but she needs to let her anger out. P.S. hmm i wouldnt think that a pokemon website would be the best place to put it, but hey, it seems to be working out

 

[PassiveObserver]

I am guessing it is PMS (pre-menstral syndrome) it is when a girl gets all bitchy before a period. If so, It'll go away soon. Also, it could be that maybe something happened that REALLY pissed her off. like, possibly involving u, or even not, but she needs to let her anger out. P.S. hmm i wouldnt think that a pokemon website would be the best place to put it, but hey, it seems to be working out

This was covered earlier in the thread as an unlikely source due to cultural associations which were originally misleading scientific theories of behavior.

To OP, I think it's just the age she is at. At 18 you really don't want to put up with anyone telling you that you're dumb and you're not the special snowflake you're told you were when you were a kid (let's face it, in kid's sports there are no winners and losers). Being at 18 means there is now a variety of options and among those options will be good and bad choices. Being inexperienced at being an adult (which one would assume of someone 18) they may feel threatened by their presumed or real insecurities of themselves.

These insecurities and inexperience hits the teenager and they feel overwhelmed they may be making bad decisions or the decisions of others are not what they in their shoes should feel they would be doing. By this, I feel your sister may be chastising you for something you may have done as an adult or something that she herself knows must face some day.

Tl;dr, I think it's being accepted as an adult with responsibilities while not knowing what the responsibilities entail.

 

[c l e a r]

well, it is partly my fault, she said that I should leave the toothbrush out of the rinse cup or put the toilet seat down. But I see it as very vague... Anyways, I put my bathroom stuff downstairs for now so she won't get mad.

Lol, I thoguht this thread was going in like... completely another direction when I read the first paragraph. I mean don't get me wrong, it's cool that I didn't, but just... well I'm kind of disappointed now.

You have too active of a imagination basics.

It's not just you know... a few days, I'm talking about almost everyday, she constant ignores me. I mean, even with me, if my parents says "Good Morning" to me, I would at least utter some sort of response. She doesn't with me, she just walks by me, as if I wasn't even there, that alone scares me.

She does not hang around bad friends, I've seen her friends, I've seen her boyfriend, they are more or less, good friends and good people.

I'm scared that I will lose my sister though...

 

[natalie]

you're not going to lose your sister dude, all brothers and sisters living together have these domestic ups and downs but it's always alright in the end.

18 is a very hard age for a girl, you're just finding out who you are and coming to terms with yourself and others. give her some space, don't suck up to her, don't even talk to her if she doesn't seem in the mood for it. if she does initiate an argument, either walk away or give as good as you get depending on your mood.

something could have triggered it (favouritism from parents?) or nothing at all, just stop worrying i'm sure you've had fights before and gotten over them.

 

[Sunday]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=1496412&dopt=AbstractPlus



I'm sorry that thats the best I can do. I don't have my psychology textbook anymore (why would I need one in an Engineering Degree >_> ). IIRC, there is some evidence that PMS is socially constructed and not necessarily something that actually happens.

*insert social psychology here*

It's real, trust me. Theres this girl in my class who you literally have to avoid at a certain time each month, but she's actually quite nice every other time. She may be an extreem case, but I think it's a prime example.
*insert cheeky smile here*

WOAH! Now that you post ages everyhting is different! I presumed that you were her little brother simply by judging the relationship and how I treet my little brother (I call him a weedy little shitface whenever I feel like it, lol)

She may feel as if you're intruding on her space a bit, and I think she may just need a bit of time on her own to sort things out or something. Or she may be having a hard time elsewhere and is ending up taking it out on you.
Anyway thats what I make of it.

 

[PassiveObserver]

It's real, trust me. Theres this girl in my class who you literally have to avoid at a certain time each month, but she's actually quite nice every other time. She may be an extreem case, but I think it's a prime example.
*insert cheeky smile here*

WOAH! Now that you post ages everyhting is different! I presumed that you were her little brother simply by judging the relationship and how I treet my little brother (I call him a weedy little shitface whenever I feel like it, lol)

She may feel as if you're intruding on her space a bit, and I think she may just need a bit of time on her own to sort things out or something. Or she may be having a hard time elsewhere and is ending up taking it out on you.
Anyway thats what I make of it.

I've also read books concerning Human Sexual behaviour (as in the primal aspect) and they posit that while the female is not ovulating they find feminine males more attractive than masculine (as in physical features) and while they ovulate they go after dem Soula Boys (just kidding, but go toward the "bad guy" with masculine features.

I don't know what to make of these studies though, I don't know if they've controlled the variable of race, intelligence, weight and age and etc.

Science is hit and miss with these correlative statistics and drawing conclusions that they're causal.

 

[just some chick]

hahaha, oh god, this thread. wow.

Give her her space, did you ever think maybe you actually ARE bothering her by trying to be so buddy-buddy? It sounds like she's just being an 18 year old, sick of her family and wanting to get out and be on her own already. Back when I was 18 and about to leave for college I was so ready to go. I was pretty nasty to my family sometimes. My younger sister was the same way, apparently.

As soon as one/both of you move out, that will probably change. Again, in high school I used to take my parents for granted and avoid talking to them unless it was to ask for money, but now I feel like I never get to see them. Every time I go home I want to stay longer and sit up late with them, go shopping with my sister, play video games with my little brother, etc etc.

So basically, worry about it if it persists. For a long time.

 

[CaptKirby]

I like how you justified it being okay for her to be mean to him, just_some_chick.

 

[Dragontamer]

It's real, trust me. Theres this girl in my class who you literally have to avoid at a certain time each month, but she's actually quite nice every other time. She may be an extreem case, but I think it's a prime example.
*insert cheeky smile here*

Oh, I'm not doubting the symptoms. (although I have read some research that does question it... I'm not questioning it here :-p. And no, I don't have that material on me so I admit to having no proof, which is why I'm not questioning the presence of the symptoms).

What I'm questioning is whether or not PMS is actually caused by the hormones, or if it is caused by the socially constructed idea that girls should be in a pissy fit once a month. Its like gender roles across the world. Some women feel inadequate unless they get female circumcision (ugly stuff...), and that is directly a result of the society they are placed in.

I would argue that PMS might be caused by say, the media constantly showing that women just get angry once a month. Not just the mass media either, but its just "common knowledge" among everyone today. And these are the sort of conditions where socially constructed behavior can come out, as opposed to being driven by the actual biology of the person.

Now, I'm not an expert in this field, so don't ask me too many questions :-p But the subject did interest me enough for me to do a little bit of research on this subject. Google is da man.

If I were to point out a single thing that is blatantly obviously a socially constructed behavior... it would be gender roles. No one doubts that gender roles exist. Males don't cry, females can wear jewlery without making a statement about their sexuality... etc. etc. We all have a vauge idea of how males vs females are supposed to act.

But then you go to different countries and it is fine for Men to wear skirts and or even dresses if you go back far enough in time. Most modern female gender roles are challenged by feminists, but thats another subject. Women are no longer just housewives and are more welcome in the workforce, etc. etc.

Anyway, again, I don't doubt the existance of "PMS", I simply wish to point out the possibility that PMS is socially constructed behavior.

-------------

Oh, and my advice holds for your age as well. I wouldn't change my post earlier, except that instead of hating you for a month, she is probably strong enough to ignore you even longer >_>

 

[just some chick]

I like how you justified it being okay for her to be mean to him, just_some_chick.

I like how PMS was the instantaneous explanation for it. No, it couldn't be that he actually made her mad about something and didn't realize it, or that she's honestly bothered by something else, or that she's doing something a lot of people do at a certain stage in life...

Please. When did I say it was okay? I simply offered an explanation based on my own behavior and experiences with my own family, and my own sister who did the same thing.

Besides that, it could be anything. Is she having trouble in school? Broken up with a boyfriend? Fighting with your parents? Maybe she just doesn't want to be bothered or something. You said she's been doing this since you moved, how long ago was that? Did you move to a new city? Maybe she's unhappy about leaving her friends and school. 18 is a crappy age to up and move somewhere else and leave your whole social life behind.

 

[PassiveObserver]

I like how PMS was the instantaneous explanation for it. No, it couldn't be that he actually made her mad about something and didn't realize it, or that she's honestly bothered by something else, or that she's doing something a lot of people do at a certain stage in life...

Why did we ever decide that women should be able to become free thinking autonomous beings on their own? It's ALWAYS hormones emirite? :naughty:

 

[c l e a r]

Besides that, it could be anything. Is she having trouble in school? Broken up with a boyfriend? Fighting with your parents? Maybe she just doesn't want to be bothered or something. You said she's been doing this since you moved, how long ago was that? Did you move to a new city? Maybe she's unhappy about leaving her friends and school. 18 is a crappy age to up and move somewhere else and leave your whole social life behind.

Quick Facts:
- she just entered university this year month ago.
- we just moved to a new area of town month ago.
- she's still very good with her boyfriend, but I cannot say the same with her friends with high school. I doubt she's been seeing them around, she did have a nice friendship between a few of them.
- she's been good with my parents, just not with me.

I never really had a real social life with people in school (they were all assholes), so I never really knew what it felt like to out of high school like she did. Hell, the first thing I thought of is how I GLAD to be out of it.

 

[DM]

All I can say in response to this thread: put more weight in the posts from the women than the posts from the boys.

 

[c l e a r]

All I can say in response to this thread: put more weight in the posts from the women than the posts from the boys.

that's a smogon pro tip right there =/, thanks Lutalo.

I do refuse to accept the fact it is just hormones, if she can somewhat talk with my parents, my grandparents, etc. there should be no reason that I would be ignored.