sequel to
http://www.smogon.com/forums/thread...k-9-read-post-313.3566619/page-6#post-6704162
Well with a little extra time this year I figured I would add to the catalog of players that I'm not 99% confident show up every single SPL season. Most of you will be one of the 9 in total, see if you can figure out which!!
Four More Players You'll Find in SPL
The Man of Prayer
We all pray for wins during the season, don't we? When it's 5-6 and you need a tie, when your BD is a little low but your Super Sub is in Ubers - it seems pretty natural to pray. That is NOT what
The Man of Prayer is, however.
TMOP is the guy who crosses his fingers and says a hail mary every week before the lineup comes out. Why? Because we've been playing him in the wrong fucking tier for four years in a row. He begs, he pleads, he endures the SuperGeniuses of SmogTours giving him shit for a misplay or a bad team all in the hopes that he gets back to the right tier. "I don't want to play UU!" he says in his head, only asking humbly in the team chat that maybe he be subbed.
TMOP is an interesting archetype though, because no matter how much you want to blame him for a misplay, you really can't. Its your own dumbass fault nobody knows the first thing about GSC so you gotta start him week in, week out.
TMOP can be saved though - should his prayers fall on the right ears and he be moved into the right tier, expect to see some top level plays from this poor soul. You'll only wish you listened to him sooner!
The Renaissance Man
It happens to every manager at some point - you're looking at a week with one slot unable to be filled. A horse kick, a wedding, a car accident, or just exams; its gonna happen at some point. Normally when it rains it pours too, it's usually not ORAS OU, where half the playerbase can handle it casually, no. It's always gotta be fucking Doubles, GSC, maybe ADV vs Ojama or some shit - something where you REALLY can't afford to put JohnCharizard69 in.
That's where this man comes in handy. Seemingly possessed by Michaelangelo himself, but if instead of painting and inventing and shit, he did Pokemon instead. This guy knows the ins and outs - or at least, he'll figure them out in time for Sunday - of every fucking tier. How to EV your Mega Kangaskhan to live an intimidated ScarfLando Superpower but still get a 2HKO on Zapdos? No problem,
TRM is working on it as we speak. How do you lure Blissey in enough to sweep with Gengar in ADV? This guy knows all the right partners and he's already figured out all six mon's synergies.
TRM is someone who we ask a lot of. You gotta have a big ego to successfully pull off this Da Vinci shit too, because if you're going in there with even a bit of doubt Lobby isn't gonna like it.
TRM is, from time to time, criticized by perennial fan favorite from the last thread,
IBM's Supercomputer Watson Disguised As A Slightly-Below-Average Ladder Player. The Supercomputer knows every single play a player should EVER have conceived of (just, you know, after the turns already over). If
TRM DARES make a single misplay in his sixth tier of the tournament you can be sure to learn about it in the Tier Subforum SPL watching thread - complete with four hundred calcs and a level of mind reading houdini would be proud of that justifies the play. Of course the Supercomputer would have done that - but hell, it's so easy, who wouldn't?
At the end of the day though this is one of those guys you always say was a "great teammate". Their record can end 3-6 or 8-1 and you still have a big spot for them in your heart due to the amount of effort and guts it took to put themselves out there time and time again.
The Incredibly Handsome Former Assistant Manager Turned Manager When The Original One Got Fired Who Also Has A Winning Personality
I mean, who DOESN'T know this guy?! Not naming names on the Cryos of course, but hell, every team has their own.
TIHFAMTMWTOOGFWAHAP is an absolute
staple of SPL. When you're down in the trenches, building teams, scouting replays and generally having a laugh, who better to have on your side?
I can't think of a single team that could function without
TIHFAMTMWTOOGFWAHAP's unique brand of wit, sensitivity and insight. It doesn't hurt too that he's handsome in a classical sense - the kind that frankly folks aspire to. Whether it's when he's patting you on the back after a hard fought win or offering a shoulder to cry on following an unfair loss, this guy represents all that is right with SPL and Pokemon in general.
The KyleCole
On the ides of March in 44 BC amidst a calm and silent night, two brothers conspired against a third to slay him in cold blood in front of all of his peers. With no mercy whatsoever these brothers drew their daggers with the sole intent of ending the life of Julius Caesar - there was no honor, no temerity, no fortitude in their actions, no! Say what you will of the man, that he was a tyrant, that he was a dictator, a conquerer or a barbarian - but no matter what you say, you acknowledge that Julius Caesar was indeed a man among men! And yet these cowards drew their weapons from their robes without the slightest hesitation and ended his life, plunging Rome deep into the depths of war and chaos. What was gained by this?
When this sort of man shows up on your team you will not expect it. What is gained? Nothing - you will lose all that you have worked towards. All of your efforts will go out the window without even the slightest consideration. The empire built at your feet? Meaningless in the face of betrayal. The thousands of fans, cheering your every move? Nothing to be considered of when turning your back on your brothers. There are only two qualities that are necessary to make a good man - loyalty and bravery. Should you possess those, regardless of what decisions you make, they will be made with sincerity and forthrightness. However this means the opposite holds true as well, and the two worst things a man can be are a traitor and a coward.
Blame it on the handsome manager for not noticing soon enough but when one walks among you with a swords hidden on them, ready to betray you at the first sign of opportunity, you better hope you can come out the other side better than Caesar did. In real life, Caesar's adopted son Augustus came back and reconquered Rome, destroying both Brutus and Cassius along the way.
The same way Augustus reconquered what was his - well, good luck to the finalists of this year's SPL. The Cryonicles will reconquer what is ours next year.