Challenge COMPLETE: Pokemon Colosseum: The Dynamic Duo No-Snags Allowed Challenge

[QuentinQuonce]

Pokemon Colosseum: No Snag Challenge

Can I beat the game with only Espeon and Umbreon?
​

Introduction

Welcome, one and all, to my newest challenge. And the header image is deliciously appropriate because those two are the only companions I plan to take on my upcoming adventure.

As anyone familiar with the game knows, Colosseum has a famously shallow pool of Pokemon to choose from when selecting a team, making it fairly difficult to put together a decent squad. And yet, how to make it more difficult? After rejecting "no evolve" and "no purify" as not sufficiently challenging enough, I decided a snagless challenge would be the route to take. That's right, no capturing allowed - my starter duo are the only Pokemon allowed to be used in this challenge.

Rules

Fairly self-explanatory but a couple of points to clarify.

-Espeon and Umbreon are the only species that can be used. This means no catching Shadow Pokemon until the story is over (I'll be playing into the postgame right up until the end of the story). I haven't played the game in a couple of years and I don't think any Shadow Pokemon are mandatory captures (as a couple in XD are) but, just in case there's any I've forgotten, in the event that a Shadow Pokemon is captured, it must be boxed at the earliest possible opportunity.
-"Ah, but GT!" I hear you all clamouring to type. "You're forgetting that other Pokemon! You know, the one that's not a Shadow Pokemon and that you're forced to take with you!" Yes, I'm with you. Plusle, the game's sole gift Pokemon. On paper, it's an exception to my rule. However, as the spirit of the challenge is to only have two Pokemon on my team, accepting Plusle as a third would go against this and so Plusle must be boxed as soon as it is received.

(Also I used Plusle during my last playthrough so on a personal level, I'd just rather not again)

Right, let's get into it!


Part One

I boot up my game, choosing the name Eryll for my hero, and watch him gleefully destroy Team Snagem's HQ before escaping with the dynamic duo.

A long drive through the desert later, I arrive at the Outskirt Stand and check out my partner duo. Both boys*, Espeon is Hardy, and Umbreon is Bold. Not too bad! We can definitely work with that.

After observing Trudly and Folly depart, I enter the building proper. There's nothing much to do in here but after watching a news report about the terrible explosion I caused, Rider Willie comes after me and challenges me to a battle. This goes easily, as it generally always does. I'm expecting much of the game until Pyrite Cave to be fairly easy as the starter duo are quite powerful early on. Willie suggests that I head to Phenac City to compete with other trainers, and that's about as much of a reason as the plot will ever provide, I do so.

At the entrance to the city I encounter Trudly and Folly struggling to lift a squirming sack. Hey, sounds like there's a person in there! Being the dashing hero I am, I engage Folly in a battle and completely annihilate his two Whismur. Trudly and Folly promptly flee, though they leave their neat van behind.

Two citizens rush over as I untie the sack and set free a young girl. She tells me her name, which I decide is Violet, and thanks me for saving her from those goons. I don't particularly want her following me around but she keeps insisting, so I eventually agree to let her join me and trail around after me. One of the citizens recommends we talk to the Mayor, so we head up to his house, but not before having a look around the city and battling a couple of trainers loitering around. Inside one of the houses, a man complains that all the TV channels are devoted to the news about the explosion at Team Snagem's HQ, rather than showing anime as he'd prefer. Well, quite.

I head up to the Mayor's house, but before I can enter a strange man with wild, free-flowing white hair walks out, pays me a compliment, and says we'll probably meet again soon. Equal parts arbitrary, cryptic, and unsubtle. Typical Pokemon plot, really.

Anyway, the Mayor is a kindly-looking jolly fat man named Es Cade, who welcomes us into his house. He also appears to have some random floozy hanging out in his bedroom upstairs. Typical politician. Violet explains that she was abducted by some goons with a peculiar Pokemon, and Es Cade states he will order an investigation into the matter promptly. Well, if I've learned anything from studying politics, it's that investigations, inquiries, and reviews always result in hard action and severe consequences. I look forward to the results.

Es Cade urges me to enter the city's Colosseum challenge. Well, what sort of criminal would I be if I didn't unthinkingly obey an authority figure's command? I head over there, but am informed that the challenge has started. Upon exiting, I'm ambushed by three Team Snagem goons! They're understandably angry at me for blowing up the hideout, so one of them challenges me to a battle. It goes the same way as all other recent fights have done.

Violet craps her pants at the revelation that I'm a lawbreaker, but since girls love bad boys, she quickly gets over it and decides to keep following me around.

She suggests that I buy some Pokeballs, but the mart in Phenac doesn't stock any. A lady doing her shopping informs us that Outskirt Stand sells them, so away we go - Violet rudely turfing Espeon and Umbreon out of the sidecar and back into their Pokeballs - and the vendor there very kindly gives me five for free. That's all I'll need for now... no sense wasting money.

Upon our return to Phenac, one of the women we met earlier tells us that there's some sort of commotion going on at the Mayor's house! To action! I rush over to find Orre's top superstar, Miror B. He instructs his goons to take care of us and splits. Folly challenges us again but is easily dispatched. Then Trudly has his turn and sends out a shadow Makuhita! Violet tells me that that's the strange Pokemon she saw earlier, and that it's of paramount importance that I catch it. Sure babe, no problem.

Espeon blasts the big fat sumo bear with Confusion, and that's the end of that. Dismayed at their loss, Folly and Trudly flee again. Violet, still not getting it, laments how terribly sad it was that we weren't able to snag his Pokemon. Read the room, girl.

Anyway, we leave, but Miror B has strategically blocked all three exits to the city with his trio of colourful underlings: Bluno, Verde, and Rosse. Since it makes absolutely no difference, I choose proximity and fight Verde at the western exit. His Shadow Bayleef puts up a tough fight and even manages to paralyse Umbreon before I take it down, but take it down I do.

Verde flees, and Violet insists we chase him and his buddies to Pyrite Town. Sure thing, but before I do that, let's heal. Oh yeah, and save the game, too.

Before I go I decide to call in on the Pre Gym and do a bit of grinding. Might as well, since the levels of the trainers in here don't ever increase, and I'm never going to be able to fight Justy in this run (he requires a full team of six to challenge). After wiping out all four trainers, Umbreon is at level 29 while Espeon is at level 28.

To Pyrite Town! But that's for the next update. For now, farewell. Tune back in later on for the next pulse-pounding installment.

Current team
​

Espeon Level 28 (Male)​	Umbreon Level 29 (Male)​
Confusion Return Reflect Helping Hand​	Bite Secret Power Taunt Snatch​

​

_______________


*fun trivia #1: both starters in Colosseum are always male, due to this game being released before FRLG. This prevented players from breeding them in RS to obtain Eevee. They're also both shiny-locked (as is Duking's Plusle and I believe also the prize Ho-oh from Mt. Battle), which is incredibly lame.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Two

Our foursome heads west, to Pyrite... oh. Not to Pyrite, it seems, but to a construction site a short way west of Phenac. Just... because. It would totally make sense if it were presented as "oh, we got slightly lost and ended up at this place" but that's not how it's presented, it's just... not really discussed. Bit weird and out of place.

Anyway, enough about the slightly underbaked plot. We leave and finally make it to Pyrite Town, allegedly home to "sinister Pokemon". Sure enough, it seems like a down and dirty sort of place. But hey, there's a fortune teller! I enquire inside, but she's busy attending to another customer, who tearfully tells us that she (Fateen) correctly divined where his wife was living since she left him. Um... wow. I'm not sure quite what to make of that.

The town square is full of trainers, so naturally I take the chance to beat some of them up. Violet urges me to catch some of their Shadow Pokemon, but once again, I refuse every time. Here's where we start to see some challenge: Rogue Cail and Rider Vant turn out to be problematic opponents, with their Shadow Furret and Misdreavus respectively managing to KO Espeon before I manage to defeat them. Concerned that the level gap between the two might widen further if I'm not careful, I briefly deposit Umbreon in the PC and rechallenge a few of the trainers, including Rider Willie at Outskirt Stand, to bring Espeon up to par with its brother.

After defeating Cail we're treated to a cutscene in which the white-haired man we met briefly in Phenac, now identified as Nascour, is talking to Miror B. It's strange that they reveal he's the big bad this early. And even more so that he meets us - it doesn't make fighting him feel any more personal (as opposed to the relationship between, say, Eldes and Michael).

Sorry, I said I wasn't going to harp on about the plot...

Anyway, moving on. There's some commotion when a man called Silva steals a gear from the Windmill. It takes all of five second's searching for us to locate it, and not even a battle or anything. After getting it back, I head to the Colosseum, ostensibly to get a Shadow Pokemon. But really I just want the TM06 that's the grand prize. It'll make things easier, for sure.

With Umbreon back in my party, I enter the Pyrite Colosseum challenge and my beefed-up squad, capably dispatching all four of the trainers inside. Afterwards, we're taken into the Pyrite Building to meet Miror B, but one of the goons inside recognises us and attacks. Ugh, looks like we're going to have to fight our way through the building... always a pleasure, never a chore.

Multiple fights later, I reach the top of the building where I take on Reath and Ferma, effortlessly dispatching Reath's piddly-weak level 20 Shadow Remoraid* but getting absolutely stomped on by Ferma's monstrously bulky Mantine, which dispatches Espeon and takes multiple hits before it faints. But Umbreon is even bulkier, and prevails.

Into Pyrite Cave we go!

Current team

Umbreon
Level 36 (Male)
Faint Attack
Confuse Ray
Secret Power
Taunt

Espeon
Level 36 (Male)
Psybeam
Return
Reflect
Helping Hand​

____________________

*it's really odd to me that her Remoraid is so weak. I get that they gave it to her to match Ferma's Mantine since they're best buddies and all, but they didn't have to make it level 20. It's not as if there aren't several other Shadow mons in this game which come overlevelled relative to when they're meant to evolve.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Three

I enter Pyrite Cave and proceed, crushing all in my path until I finally reach Miror B's chamber at the end.

I was kind of dreading this fight, but I clearly needn't have worried. His Ludicolo are a lot lower-levelled than I expect, and none take more than three hits apiece to dispatch. Sudowoodo comes out last of all, and is a swift and brutal 2HKO. Phew. Let's hope all boss fights are this simple.

Miror B flees, and we rescue Duking's Plusle and return to Pyrite Town. Duking tells us that Plusle wants to come with us on our journey, and I respond to this kind gesture by chucking it in the PC and leaving town.*

On the way out, Fateen catches up to us and tells me that the key to purifying Shadow Pokemon lies to the north, in a place called Agate Village. Idk why she's so keen I had to know that, it's not like I'm going to be doing much of that any time soon. But in a stunning coincidence, Violet remembers that she was supposed to be visiting her grandfather Eagun, who lives there! Fancy that. So it's there we head next.

Ah, Agate Village. Most lovely place in all of Orre. Also, all the stairways and tight corners means that it's full of opportunities to ditch Violet and leave her floundering on the opposite end of the map, always fun. Pity that all the OAP residents tell me I'm too young to live here, I would totally want to live here if Orre was real. I find a Quick Claw and a Silk Scarf in item boxes around the town, and give the former to Umbreon and the latter to Espeon (nothing much better for it to hold right now, and its Return could use some additional power).

Anyway, we meet up with Eagun, Violet's grandfather, but before we can say much, we're informed by a panicking resident that the Relic Forest in the centre of town is being attacked. Eagun rushes out in a hurry, and we follow after him.**

A few weak trainers calling themselves Cipher Peons bar the way, but my twosome see to them and we make it to the deepest clearing to find Eagun facing off against the type of guy who can't get no love from me - Skrub. Eagun exclaims that he won't let Skrub destroy the Relic Stone, and an entertaining sequence ensues in which we bear witness as Eagun's Pikachu faces down Skrub's Hitmontop, using an Intimidate-weakened Quick Attack instead of literally any other move. Predictably, Eagun loses horribly despite insisting that if his opponent had been a regular Pokemon he'd have won. Sure, sure.***

Oh well, time for me to sort things out, then. Skrub's squad is no match for my team and he flees, but not before mentioning that he intends to report to his boss Dakim at Mt Battle. Sure enough, we soon get an email from Duking alerting us that Mt Battle is under attack. Hmm, where could we possibly be going next?

At Mt Battle, everyone's in a lather, but I calmly proceed up the mountain and start taking on the awaiting trainers in each zone. To my surprise, a couple of them actually prove to be quite tough - Rider Kimit's Geodude unexpectedly scores a KO on Espeon with Magnitude, and St.Performer Nortz manages to wear both of my boys down with confusion damage and grab a KO on Espeon too.

But eventually, I make it through to the final area to find Alder waiting there! ...oh, sorry, not Alder, just a bloke who looks rather like him. Dakim. He savagely punches Vander, the Area Leader, to the ground and then, noticing me watching, engages me in battle.

By and large, I don't have too many problems with Dakim. I make sure to set up Reflect on the first turn to dampen the power of his team's powerful Earthquakes; his Golem and Metang get into a rhythm alternating Protects, so no energy is spared attacking the wrong target and they both quickly go down. His Camerupt is somewhat trickier to handle and becomes the latest opponent to KO Espeon, by way of a powerful Flamethrower which leaves me with a shred of HP but then inflicts a burn. Luckily, I have one Revive in my bag I picked up earlier in the Pyrite Building so Espeon is able to rejoin the fight and promptly finishes off Dakim's Marshtomp.

Entei comes out last of all and shoots off a couple of devastating Fire Blasts, getting another burn on Espeon, but Camerupt stupidly uses Earthquake and almost KOs it for me! Ah, AI stupidity. I knew I'd be able to count on you sooner or later. Next turn, Umbreon's Quick Claw activates bringing it to ~5% with Faint Attack, Espeon finishes Camerupt with Psybeam, and Entei uses Shadow Rush on Espeon, who narrowly survives - but of course the recoil spells doom for Entei, and I narrowly win. Very narrowly indeed, since both my team members were in the red. Defeated, Dakim announces his intentions to withdraw and preposterously leaps away. Vander thanks us for rescuing him and gifts us with a Time Flute!**** Neat.

Well, if that fight was anything to go by, looks like I might need to go stock up on Revives...






Current team

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 43 (Male)
Faint Attack
Confuse Ray
Secret Power
Toxic

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 43 (Male)
Psybeam
Return
Reflect
Helping Hand





____________________

*random thought - does Plusle's subsequent absence in XD mean that it's part of Wes' canon team? Interesting if so. Such a cheery and positive Pokemon for the DArKEsT and gRiTtiESt protagonist in the series.

**it is genuinely so cool how almost every NPC in town, even those indoors, changes their dialogue to react to this, I love it

***fun trivia #2 - defying my expectations, this battle is not actually scripted, and it is completely possible for Eagun to win despite the game stacking the odds overwhelmingly in Skrub's favour. The odds of this happening are estimated to be around one in 6,500. Much as with Wally accidentally KO'ing Ralts in RSE, the game devs did not account for this scenario so the story continues as normal.

****Always wanted to see an official design for this item, but this design by Anarlaurendil on DeviantArt is utterly sublime.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Four

A bit unsure of where to head next, I decide to do what a few NPCs have been suggesting and plow through Phenac Stadium a few times. The trainers within are ludicrously weak even despite their Pokemon being in their early 40s. Still, the prizes are decent. Following this, I return to Agate and chat with Eagun. He insists I go to the Relic Forest and use the Time Flute, which... uh... I can't, as I don't have any Shadow Pokemon. For a moment I'm worried this means that I can't progress any further, but talking to him again causes him to yield his PDA number and tells us about a mysterious lab that he spotted in the distant desert south of Agate. So, there we head - but once we arrive, we find it impenetrable due to a forcefield.

Luckily, I get a message on the PDA from Sherles. It appears that he apprehended two of Miror B's underlings and wants me to interrogate them.* I return to Pyrite, where Sherles has imprisoned Reath and Ferma after catching them trying to sneak into the Pyrite Building. Ferma, taking a snooze, has a key to the elevator on her belt so I take it and use it to unlock the elevator leading down to the Under.

Okay, this place is seriously cool - an underground town! It's an actual crime that XD made it inaccessible. Once we arrive, we're alerted to a news bulletin from Venus, the town's apparent ruler, notifying the residents of spies on the loose. Yikes. I explore a bit, picking up the Machine Part and delivering it to Nett and Secc in the northwest. I also take the chance to stock up on Lemonade, as all good trainers should. The Under's mart also sells TM10, Hidden Power. Excited at the chance to potentially expand Espeon's rather lacklustre movepool, I save the game and test out the move, eventually figuring out that its Hidden Power type is Dark. Well, that's not ideal. But there really aren't many better options... what to do, what to do. But at least, after a bunch of battles, Espeon levels up enough to finally learn Psychic! It rapidly proves to be an absolute nuke.

Suddenly I see two Cipher Admins arresting Silva, Duking's friend from earlier. After defeating them both, Silva, though unfortunately locked up, passes us the R-Disk, which we use to reach the room Venus is broadcasting from. Enraged that we would dare disturb her when she's on camera, she challenges us to a battle.

Ouch, this lady is tough. She's not too tough. She leads with Delcatty and Vileplume, the latter of which falls quickly to Psychic. However, Delcatty manages to incapacitate Espeon with Attract, leaving it wide open to a Shadow Ball from the Banette she sends out to replace Vileplume, and it faints. Due to the rather unfair AI capabilities in Colosseum**, I get stuck in a loop of reviving Espeon only to have it Attracted and Shadow Balled over and over, and eventually I run out altogether. Delcatty and Banette pile on Umbreon, and it falls too. And thus I have suffered my first loss.

Time to try again. After buying a few more Revives, I return to the studio and challenge her again. This time she leads with Delcatty and Steelix. I promptly pile on Delcatty in order to KO it as soon as possible - to my pleasant surprise, Espeon KOs with Psychic and Umbreon uses Faint Attack on the Banette that emerges after it falls.

I have no particularly effective attacks for Steelix, but duly use Psychic on it all the same and do around 40%. That'll do. Banette dies to a second Faint Attack, while Steelix attacks with Earthquake. It's surprisingly powerful, but after I KO Vileplume I'm able to see it off.

Last of all comes Suicune. It soaks up a ton of punishment and comes very close to KOing Espeon with Shadow Rush. Using Umbreon's turn to heal Espeon with a Super Potion, I hit it with a final Psychic hoping to clinch the battle but to my shock, it survives - then hits me again with Shadow Rush and knocks itself out.

Phew. That went much better the second time around.

Venus flees and we give chase, emerging into a hidden part of the Under not visible from the main area. Several goons attempt to stop us, all carrying Shadow Pokemon which are weirdly overlevelled compared to the rest of their teams.*** Eventually we catch up to her, but she gets away, though leaves behind a Subway Key which allows us to activate the train to the Shadow Lab. The peons there decide to do the most logical thing, and blow up the entrance room to prevent us from getting in. Frankly, more villains in the Pokemon universe could stand to be this drastic. However, we pick up a Maingate Key in this area which should get us in via the front door, as well as the U-Disk which yields another Time Flute. Cool!

Into the Shadow Lab. This place is incredibly obnoxious, with Cipher Peons dropping from the ceiling every few feet. This is going to be one big old slog. But let's do it!

Current team

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 49 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Confuse Ray

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 49 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Helping Hand


_____

*Fun trivia #3: This bit actually happens differently depending on where you've been. Speaking to Sherles after defeating Dakim (which I happened to do) will result in him taking your PDA number and emailing you. If you don't do this, Duking will email you instead.

**Rather infuriatingly, in this game the AI gets to decide their move after you've made yours. This can lead to situations much like the one described, wherein (for instance) you heal your Pokemon of confusion only for the opponent to use Confuse Ray as soon as you've done so.

***There's a weird and very minor glitch in this area with the stairwell and the elevator I just noticed. If you manage to separate Wes and Rui (easily done by placing Rui on the staircase and walking away so that she's trapped there) and then take the elevator alone, the game screen will go dark for a fraction of a second and she will be with you when the door opens.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Five

Starting to think I should rename this challenge the "Revive Espeon" challenge.

I may have misremembered how long the Shadow Lab takes, because I get through it fairly quickly, though it takes me forever to find all three DNA Samples I need to unlock the door - they can be in six possible locations, and I must have overlooked one of them because I spend ages hunting before finding the final sample in the very first room I looked in. Gah!

Anyway, at last we make it to the final Cipher Admin - Ein, the scientist. Hmm... he's got more than a passing resemblance to Colress, hasn't he? Between him, Dakim, and the Orre region being inspired by an American state, starting to wonder if the developers of Black and White were influenced at all by this game. But yeah, Ein's super cool. He gets major points for having the balls to use Rhydon on a Rain Dance team (in his later battles). I also like how his Shadow Pokemon (Raikou) actually fits his battle strategy, unlike Dakim and Venus.*

His Golbat and Huntail go down pretty quickly to Espeon's Psychic, but Lanturn tanks the hit and hits back with Confuse Ray, causing Espeon to take several turns of damage before Umbreon can finish it off instead. This gives his darn Altaria plenty of time to avoid hits with Fly. By the time Raikou finally comes out, Espeon is quickly KO'd by its Thunder attack. But when I revive it, his second Thunder brings me to 10% health and paralyses me, allowing Synchronise to kick in and paralyse Raikou in turn. This gives me the opening I need to deploy the Full Restore I picked up earlier in the lab and decimate it with Psychic. From there, Altaria takes a few hits but is eventually brought down.

Phew. And that's that. Ein departs, leaving a cryptic Data Rom behind. I take it to Nett and/or Secc in the Under, but everyone's all agog about the brand-new Colosseum that's apparently just been built atop that massive tower out there in the desert. Well, sure, I guess we could go there, though we're not really given much of a reason to do so. Just... it's there.

Anyway, enough about Colosseum's so-underbaked-the-oven-is-stone-cold plot. I arrive at Realgam Tower, to be told by one of the security guards "we've been expecting you". Well, that's not creepy at all. I enter and head down a long hallway to find... Miror B just chilling! Hey dude, what's up? Oh, you want to battle. Right.

He's not much more difficult than he was the first time, thankfully. His Ludicolo both take a few hits to finish off, but they don't do much damage in return, and the Loudred he's scrounged up from somewhere isn't remotely tricky. His Golduck comes close to KO'ing Espeon with a Rain-boosted Surf, but a combined Faint Attack and Psychic see it off. Finally, Sudowoodo - still at its original level 35 - is a pitifully easy kill.

Miror B hands over the Red ID Badge and departs. Cool, cya.

I explore further and take the hallway leading in the other direction only to encounter... Dakim! He's finally grown up and learned to pair Levitators with Earthquake users like a big boy, instead of just having the other partner use Protect, so good for him. His Forretress soaks up hits from both Espeon and Umbreon, illustrating the biggest problem with this run - with only Psychic, Normal, and Dark in my offensive movepool, I can't really touch Steel-type opponents. But eventually I wear it down. His Flygon rips Espeon a new one with a beefy Earthquake, KO'ing it once again. I revive it and it survives the next Earthquake with 2 HP, giving it breathing room to heal and attack back.

Dakim's Whiscash is up next, and he promptly squanders all the goodwill he earned moments before by stupidly using Earthquake while Entei is out and KO'ing it before I can move. Nice one. Its Earthquake is so powerful, in fact, that it becomes the first (and hopefully only) enemy in the game to KO Umbreon. Props to you, big blue fish. However, Espeon quickly mops up.

Dakim hands over the Green ID Badge and lomps away. Byeeee.

Time to heal for sure. Luckily, there's a healing machine in a room with a PC and a friendly-looking old man who is STAGGERINGLY OBVIOUSLY a Cipher Peon in disguise. I opt not to thrash him because so few opponents in this game are actually optional it's refreshing to be able to leave one or two unfought.

And that's all for now.



Current team

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 52 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 52 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun



___________

*Trying to think what alternate strategies Dakim could have employed... given that he has an Entei, he could have had a Flash Fire team, but opponents in Colosseum generally don't use species not available in RS (the ones that aren't are usually the ones you can snag) so he's limited to just Ninetales and Houndoom in that case. Or just a generic Sunny Day team, there are definitely enough Grass, Fire, and Ground/Rock types to make that work. Idk. All I'm saying is Entei + Earthquake users is deeply stupid. Venus is fine as-is I guess.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Six

Time to penetrate deeper into Realgam Tower. The next hallway leads to two doors both guarded by Cipher Peons, the first of which has a Shadow Sunflora that seems far too cheerful given that it's been turned into an unstoppable fighting machine. The second has a Delibird which is not much more fitting, though I guess Delibird can look vaguely tough in the right light. Anyway, behind one of the doors we find Venus, looking more suited to this glitzy establishment than the dank underground she used to hang out in.

She leads off with Bellossom and Raichu. Raichu falls quickly to Psychic, but Bellossom confounds Espeon with Attract, preventing it from attacking on the next turn and leaving it wide open to get confused by the Misdreavus that replaces Raichu AND poisoned by Bellossom's Sludge Bomb. Luckily, Umbreon is able to cope and 2HKOs her Misdreavus while Espeon continues to struggle to attack.

Next out is Wigglytuff. I decide to fully heal Espeon and gamble on it being able to OHKO with Psychic. Thankfully, it overcomes Attract for one turn and scores a critical hit, dropping it. Unfortunately, Venus uses a Hyper Potion on Bellossom - itself poisoned thanks to Espeon's Synchronise - and when Suicune comes out it and Bellossom gang up on Espeon, knocking it out. But Umbreon, ever ignored by Venus' team, lands a Toxic on Suicune.

I revive Espeon and decide to try and finish Bellossom off, healing it with Umbreon each turn. However, it fails to attack each time - and then I run out of Hyper Potions. But the poison damage on both of Venus' mons, combined with the recoil from Suicune's Shadow Rush, does its job. Espeon faints once again, but Suicune and Bellossom both succumb to their damage at the end of the same turn, leaving Umbreon to eat up the non-shared experience. Well, it did thoroughly earn them.

Venus hands over the Blue ID badge, and swans off, not to be seen until... later.

Right, time for some backtracking. Looks like I need to majorly stock up on healing items. And also perhaps gain some additional experience with Espeon. I don't like it when my squad gets all lopsided. I head back to Agate, buy a metric shit ton of Revives and Hyper Potions, and return to the tower. Further along the hallways than I made it last time, there's an immense silver door flanked by four differently-coloured terminals. Three of them correspond to the badges the Cipher Admins gave us. Well, gosh! Could there be one more?

I explore a bit further, and stumble across... wait for it... Ein! What a total shock. Kind of poor pacing to have us fight him twice so quickly, but there you go.

He opens with Rhydon and Crobat. Rhydon's entire purpose on his team is to Protect while making good use of its Lightningrod ability, so I don't even bother targeting it, and drop Crobat instantly with a Psychic from Espeon. He sends out Pelipper to replace it, which Umbreon does some chip damage to with Faint Attack. Next turn, Espeon and Umbreon KO it together while Rhydon unwisely uses Toxic on me. Big mistake, tiny-brain. Espeon's Synchronise promptly poisons it in retatilation.

Ein next sends out something potentially threatening - Starmie! Expecting Rhydon to Protect again, I double-target Starmie as it uses Rain Dance and get a kill. Rhydon doesn't shield itself, but Ein opts to use a Hyper Potion instead. Whevs.

And then out comes Raikou! Unfortunately, being a Shadow, it's much weaker than it should be. Espeon's Psychic doesn't KO but leaves it on 1HP. Now would be an amazing time to try and catch it... but I won't do that. Instead, I opt to finish things. Espeon blasts Rhydon with Psychic and knocks it out, while Umbreon mops up.

Whoo! That was much easier. Mainly because Ein, while still very cool, isn't really that threatening. It's a shame. I've really come to appreciate Lightningrod teams lately. Actually planning to use one to take on Mt Battle and conquer all the Colosseums in Battle Mode once this challenge is over.

Ein confers on us the Yellow ID badge, and leaves. I make to go and heal up, but get a bizarre email from Eagun and Violet suggests we go back to Agate Village. Ugh, if we must.

But, it turns out to be worth it! Eagun gives us the Master Ball! Which... he just has, somehow. Look, I'm not going to question it, it's great. The only question is, what to use it on? Oh my god, I just realised that since I haven't snagged a single Pokemon yet, I could quite plausibly catch all 48 Shadow Pokemon in the Master Ball. That'd be fun.

As we leave I accidentally press A when I'm standing next to the TV and catch a news report. The newsreader informs us of a criminal syndicate in the Orre region currently plotting world domination, which we can safely assume to be Team Cipher. She goes on to say that Cipher's actions are thought to be connected to reports from numerous regions concerning strange, vicious Pokemon... so presumably Cipher's actions have spread beyond the Orre region. Huh. What a potentially interesting plot point that... was never followed up on. Well, that's a shame.

Anyway, returning to Realgam Tower, I approach the big ominous silver door. Each of the multicoloured terminals has a small slot that seems to fit the ID badges I collected, so in they go. Once inside, each terminal suddenly blazes with a strange sort of internal fire. Very cool effect, I'm digging it. The door creaks open, and away we-

-ugh, another Cipher Peon appearing from out of nowhere. Shove off, creep!

Anyway, as I was saying, the door creaks open, and away we go!



Current team

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 55 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 55 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Seven

As we enter the large and rather beautiful room at the base of the tower proper, my PDA beeps again. Not Eagun this time, but Nett, with a partial list of all the Shadow Pokemon. Cool, don't care.

More Cipher goons, woohoo. Some of them are actually legitimately tricky, like the first one who uses a fairly sophisticated (for a regular NPC, at least) strategy of Fake Out+Focus Punch. I mean, they're tricky in that they take a few minutes to beat rather than one or two.

Anyway. Oh, and Verde is here, too! He demands a rematch, promising to show me the full extent of Bayleef's power. Lol right, while it's still level 30, mmkay dude. Good plan.

I expect to have to fight the doorwarden guarding the elevator, but it turns out to be Silva in disguise! Actually a fairly decent payoff for all of his appearances, tbh. He warns us that Cipher's top boss is waiting for us at the top of the tower, armed with the ultimate Shadow Pokemon. Omigod, Lugia??? Oh no wait, that's a different game.

We take the elevator, and emerge to find Nascour waiting for us in a rather beautiful chamber full of statues of the legendary beasts. He references the time we met in Phenac, which... was so inconsequential I can barely remember what was said. I've had bottles of milk in my fridge I look back on more fondly. Instead of simply fighting us now, he retreats to the upper level, and Violet commands me to chase him. Gee, thanks! That helps. Would never have thought of that on my own.

Oh, thank god. Finally a PC and a healing machine. The latter has a trainer in front of it, barring access until you defeat him. It's incredibly dumb that the game sort of pulls this "aha! You'll have to fight one more trainer before you can heal!" shtick when you can... just use the PC to heal. Really it would have been far better for him call you out on this and challenge you if you try to skip him and use the PC.

Anyway, once healed and saved, I head upwards to the final elevator. But out of it comes an immensely muscular man in a very revealing outfit. My my, who peeked at my Christmas lift? But it turns out to be Gonzap, Team Snagem's leader. He reveals that Team Cipher has basically been subcontracting Team Snagem to steal Pokemon for them. Pretty cool detail, I like how this works. And Team Snagem are way more fun than Cipher. Ah, what the heck. Maybe I should rejoin the te-

But Gonzap ain't having any of that and challenges me to battle. First out are Hariyama and Shiftry - the latter instantly falling to Espeon's mighty Psychic. Shiftry takes a paltry amount of damage from Umbreon's Secret Power, before slamming Espeon with a very powerful Shadow Ball.

Luckily, next out is Pinsir, who rather stupidly uses Earthquake and brings Shiftry down to ~5% after Umbreon manages a critical hit. I set up Reflect to buy some more time, allowing me to finish off Shiftry and paralyse Pinsir with Secret Power. Gonzap brings out Crawdaunt, who proves not to be remotely threatening despite being a hated Dark-type. Umbreon manages to paralyse that, too, and it fails to attack as Umbreon and Espeon pile in on it with Return and Secret Power, leaving it on ~10%.

Last up is Skarmory, which... yeah. As a big bulky Steel-type, there's not much I can do against it. Luckily, Espeon's ferociously powerful Psychic is a pretty good option against most things, and takes a decent chunk out of it. By now, Reflect has worn off, but Skarmory's repeated Steel Wings still aren't doing much. Umbreon finally drops Crawdaunt, and we're left with Skarmory on half health; a combination Faint Attack and Psychic is enough to see it off.

Finally humbled, Gonzap asks if I want to form an alliance. I actually totally would! As mentioned, Team Snagem is super cool, and Gonzap's later strategy of combining Roar and Hyper Beam in the Orre Colosseum is incredibly stylish. I say yes, but Gonzap accuses me of mocking him and leaves. Well, be it on your own head.

Anyway, time to ascend.

We arrive at the top of Realgam Tower - an immense suspended Colosseum far above the desert, filled with cheering audience members. Nascour congratulates us for getting this far, but warns us that we will be required to battle a host of trainers before we can face him - after all, all of these people have paid to be here, and they're expecting a good show. Well, fair enough.

The first of Nascour's underlings arrives, a rather hench bodybuilder named Jomas. Not wanting to be embarrassed, she says that she'll battle to win! ...as opposed to what, exactly?

Anyway, she sends out Miltank and Porygon2. Right off the bat, Espeon manages to score a critical hit with Psychic, knocking Miltank out in one go! I foolishly poison Porygon2 with Toxic, forgetting that it Traced Umbreon's Synchronise, so Umbreon gets poisoned as well. Porygon2 strikes Espeon with Tri Attack, managing to burn it. Zangoose comes out next, and goes down in one hit to Psychic. Next turn, Espeon and Umbreon finish off Porygon2 together with Return and Faint Attack. Well, that first one wasn't so bad. Who's next?

It's Rider Delan, who sends out Absol and Sharpedo. Ugh, Dark-types. Right, let's lay some groundwork. I forgot that we weren't healed between battles, so set up Reflect with Espeon while using an Antidote on Umbreon. But Sharpedo annoyingly uses Crunch, reducing Espeon to ~5% while Absol sets up Swords Dance.

What to do, what to do. I opt to use Umbreon's turn to heal Espeon while it strikes Sharpedo with Return. To my surprise, it's a KO. God bless Sharpedo's abysmal defences. Delan sends out Mightyena in its place, and Absol utterly annihilates Espeon with Shadow Rush. I decide to heal with Morning Sun and fish for paralysis with Umbreon's Secret Power. On the second turn, I get lucky, but Mightyena is hammering away with Crunch on the other side, and drops Espeon. Absol fails to move and Umbreon manages to finish it off. Now it's just Umbreon vs Mightyena.

I decide that there's no point reviving Espeon just yet and poison Mightyena while it ineffectually uses Iron Tail on me. The next couple of turns are stalled out until it's almost finished, at which point I bring Espeon back out - narrowly surviving another Crunch - and heal up with Morning Sun. Phew. Somewhat ready for the next fight now.

The next opponent is... a Cipher Peon! I guess they just gave up on any pretence of these people being legitimate actors. She sends out Torkoal and Houndoom! The latter is obviously the biggest threat so I pile in on it - Umbreon gets a Quick Claw'd Secret Power, and then Return does just enough to knock it out. Woohoo! Magcargo comes out to replace it while Torkoal slams Espeon with Iron Tail, not doing too much damage but managing to lower its defence. Well, we can't have that. I pile in again and a combination Psychic and Faint Attack is enough to knock Torkoal out of the fight. I take the opportunity to rest up with Morning Sun as Umbreon does around 50% to Magcargo with Faint Attack, then heal Umbreon next turn as Espeon finishes the flaming snail with Psychic.

Three down, one to go! Our final opponent approaches, another Cipher Peon. He leads with Tropius and Cradily. Given that these four are kind of the equivalent to any other game's Elite Four, for the final one to be Grass is... kind of underwhelming. Cradily will definitely be the most difficult foe here, though. Even a pile on from both my guys falls just short of a KO. But luckily neither it or Tropius manages to respond effectively. Next turn, I KO and out comes Cacturne. Tropius starts using Fly so I resolve to ignore it for now. Cacturne fails to be KO'd by a combination Return and Secret Power and strikes Espeon with Faint Attack. Umbreon strikes the killing blow as Espeon gets a critical hit Return on Tropius, bringing it within range of a KO. Last out is Vileplume, which falls swiftly to Psychic while Umbreon takes care of Tropius.

Not so tough, after all. Time to take on the big guy...


Current team

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 58 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 58 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Eight

Nascour (whose name I keep pronouncing in my head as "Nascar") approaches. Congratulating me on my splendid string of victories, he offers me the chance to become a show battler, assuring me I'd become a star in no time. But then he reveals that was just a trick and actually he'll be taking me down right here and now. The battle begins... with no music. How very eerie.

According to Bulbapedia Nascour's strategy apparently revolves around using X Items on his team. If you can really call that a strategy. He sends out Walrein and Dusclops, both hugely bulky enough to live through my attacks, and they confound Espeon by respectively Attracting and confusing it. Predictably, Espeon fails to make a move for the next few turns. But Umbreon manages to 2HKO Dusclops with Faint Attack!

Out comes Blaziken. This should be a ridiculously easy KO for Espeon but, thanks to Attract's shenanigans, it fails to strike it and Blaziken lays into Umbreon with Sky Uppercut. And then, to compound things further, Espeon gets frozen by Ice Beam!

Ugh. Right. Let's regroup. I heal up both team members, though Blaziken then uses Swagger on Umbreon. Rolling the dice on both counts, I attack - and Umbreon deals a beefed-up Secret Power to Walrein, paralysing it, while Espeon finally succeeds in KOing Blaziken. Out comes Gardevoir, and Umbreon snaps out of Confusion and takes a massive chunk out of its HP with Secret Power. Though Espeon fails to strike Walrein, it doesn't strike me either due to paralysis.

Nascour's next Pokemon is Xatu, which promises not to be too difficult. Finally, Umbreon gets the KO on Walrein, and I set up Reflect with Espeon in anticipation of Nascour's final team member. Yup. Out comes Metagross. Unfortunately, Xatu confuses both Espeon and Umbreon before I can take it down, while Metagross chooses to use Iron Defence.

It starts banging away with Shadow Rush. Luckily, Reflect does its job and I'm able to stomach the blows. But none of my attacks are that effective either. Espeon hits itself twice and Umbreon once, but they finally snap out of it and start attacking. Psychic does a paltry amount and Faint Attack even less. It takes four turns, during which I have to heal both guys, but finally I prevail, and Metagross falls.

Phew! That was tough, but at least no one fainted. Nascour freaks out that I beat him, but then a jolly tune plays as Es Cade arrives! Yes, that's right, he's the ultimate baddie. This harmless-looking old man. He seems amused that Violet still doesn't seem to get that he's evil, and there's a weird puff of smoke and lightning as he transforms into the more sinister-looking Evice! Was... he wearing an image inducer or something? Or is he just a magician? How weird. Anyway, he pledges to utterly destroy us, and the final battle begins.

He sends out Salamence and Slaking first of all. Eek. Quite the intimidating pair. But I can take them. I set up a Reflect right away to weaken their powerful attacks, though Slaking's Crush Claw still rips me apart. Salamence uses Dragon Dance, then strikes with Double-Edge next turn. Aaack. Luckily, I have the foresight to use a Hyper Potion on Espeon, and it survives with just 6 HP and strikes back with Psychic for the KO. Wooo! Slaking, of course, rests this turn.

Scizor's out next. That seems like more of a threat, so I heal Espeon again and strike it with Psychic. Unfortunately, a combined Crush Claw and Silver Wind is too much for Espeon to take, and it faints. I decide to fish for paralysis on Scizor with Secret Power with Umbreon to get it back out safely, but it... gets a critical hit with Silver Wind and kills me. Shiiiiiit.

Oh well, time to try again. Better go and stock up on Revives... and maybe some X Items too. You know what, Nascour may have been on to something.



Current team

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 59 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 59 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Nine

Having done a not-insignificant amount of grinding and stocked up, I return to Realgam Tower to confront Evice once again. I expect to have to fight through the preceding five trainers first, but it turns out Evice is more generous than his sadistic demeanour lets on and I'm allowed to rechallenge him right away.

And now the final battle begins.

He leads with Slaking and Machamp, as I hoped he would. Well, after a few resets at least. I've got a plan worked out, and it's only with this specific setup that I can beat him.

I've bought 10 X Defends, so I spend the first turn beefing up Espeon and Umbreon. Slaking's Crush Claw does around 33% to Espeon, and Machamp chooses to use Earthquake for some reason, lightly injuring my boys but taking a big chunk out of his teammate. Next turn, I set up Reflect while using a Guard Spec with Umbreon - I don't want any errant Defence drops from Crush Claw ruining my strategy. Machamp Earthquakes again, but I'm not complaining.

On the third turn - you guessed it, it's X Defends again. By now, the overwhelming power of Evice's Pokemon has been significantly blunted. Machamp finally resorts to using Cross Chop on Umbreon, but only does around 30%. I'm wary of critical hits, but thankfully none come. I keep boosting and healing as necessary until I'm all out of X Defends, and Machamp's Cross Chop PP is exhausted. It switches to using Rock Slide but, with my boosted stats, it deals minimal damage and, being slower, fails to flinch. Annoyingly, despite running with both Cross Chop and Rock Slide, every single one of Machamp's hits land. No Guard isn't until next gen, moron!

Anyway. Time to switch tack. I also have with me several X Special. These all go on Espeon, while Umbreon either heals itself or deploys more Guard Spec. Once my Special Attack is sufficiently raised, it's time to attack.

I launch a Psychic at Machamp, utterly annihilating it, and do some chip damage to the loafing Slaking with Umbreon's Faint Attack. Evice sends out the mon I'm most afraid of... Scizor. Normally, Espeon can only hope to 3HKO, while it utterly wrecks both my squad with the fearsome Silver Wind.

But, having boosted my offenses so much, Psychic KOs in one hit! I sponge Slaking's next hit and Evice sends forth Salamence. This is the second most fearsome opponent Evice runs, for it can boost itself with Dragon Dance. However, I'm not going to give it the chance. Espeon wipes it out, and Umbreon brings Slaking down to KO range with another Faint Attack.

Out next is Slowking. Not too tough now I've got momentum behind me. It does carry Shadow Ball, but it's not a KO even without my Defence boosts. Umbreon 2HKOs with Faint Attack while Espeon finishes Slaking. And last... Evice's Shadow Tyranitar. It's a fearsome foe, but now it's 2v1.

This is going to be a game of stall. None of my attacks can hope to dent this beast, and its Sand Stream ability hampers the effectiveness of both Morning Sun and Moonlight. But I have Hyper Potions, and I can outlast it. I poison it with Toxic and heal both my team members, waiting for it to fall. Obligingly, it helps by using Shadow Rush against me. While Espeon's Return and Umbreon's Faint Attack only do piddly chip damage, it soon starts to stack up. Finally, the poison damage proves too much, and it's down.

Phew! That was a legitimately brutal fight. Definitely needed the extra grind to get past that.

Evice weeps that we beat him, and Eagun, Silva, Duking, Sherles, and Johnson arrive to detain the villain. Despite being surrounded, Evice summons a helicopter, as though all the people around him would politely wait and just let him climb inside instead of grabbing him.

...what am I saying, this is Pokemon. Of course they probably would.

But not to worry! A giant wisp of fire suddenly appears from the sky and blasts into the helicopter, crashing it and causing a fiery explosion that causes the deaths of everyone in the stadium. Or not. It apparently explodes harmlessly offscreen and harms no-one. Oh well, never mind. Violet asks what crashed the helicopter, and we all look up to see Ho-Oh wheeling above us! Niiiiice. Violet and Eagun say that this is proof I'm a true hero, and Violet practically wets herself over how dashing, handsome, and utterly cool I am. Ho-Oh circles the stadium one last time and departs. Genuinely very cool, it's actually one of the better endings in the series. In true Pokemon fashion, the credits roll and... what's this? There's still more to do? Oh yes...






So what now? Well, of course, I have to go back around the Orre region to places old and new, collecting all those pesky Shadow mons I missed the first time around, and purifying them in anticipation of my eventual Mt Battle challenge to get that Ho-Oh. The challenge isn't over yet!


____

Current team

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 65 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 65 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Ten

We respawn inside the Outskirt Stand, our spiritual home. Upon exiting I get an email asking us to come to Pyrite as apparently someone there was using a suspicious Pokemon. I head off, but make a quick detour to Phenac on the way, where I find Trudly and Folly just hanging out in the Mayor's house. Trudly is dismayed to see me again and challenges me to a battle. His team have gained some serious levels (and evolved) but he's still got his Shadow Makuhita on hand. I snag it, then head to Agate to deposit it in the Daycare.

At Pyrite, Secc says that Rogue Cail at the town's entrance battled someone strange. I take the opportunity to rebattle a few of the Duel Square trainers and snag their Pokemon - Noctowl, Skiploom, Misdreavus, Slugma, Flaaffy, and Quagsire, using the Master Ball glitch on all of them for extra stylish appeal. Cail promises to tell me about the Pokemon he saw if I can beat him. Seeing as he still has his shadow Furret, I oblige him. Cail tells us that we have to go to the Snagem Hideout, so that's what we do.

Ah, the wrecked team base I blew up prior to the start of the game. Another very cool location, I love that it just never gets fixed (even five years later). A couple of people we've already encountered are hanging out here, like Cipher Peon Nore, who has a Shadow Yanma, Cipher Peon Kloak, with a Ledian, Cipher Peon Baila, with a Sunflora, Cipher Peon Arton, with a Delibird, Cipher Peon Dioge, with a Heracross, and lastly Cipher Peon Skrub, with his trusty Hitmontop.

At the very bottom of the hideout - where my bomb ripped through the building and blew up the full-sized Snag Machine - we find Bluno hanging out. Sure enough, he's got a Croconaw, which I snag. But Bluno's the easy one (though weirdly the game heals me after battling him). I have to fight Gonzap, too. ...oh, he's not here. Never mind.

We leave, and eventually get an email that Bad Stuff Is Happening In The Under. Oh no! Let's go there then. Nett tells us we need to battle a guy with the unfortunate name of Gurks and be clued in about another guy with a Shadow Pokemon. Gurks tells us he saw a red guy with a Quilava, but fails to specify where. Luckily, when we leave the Under we get another email telling us he's at the Shadow Pokemon Lab. I swear 90% of the postgame involves just heading to a new location so you can trigger an email telling you where to go next. But on the other hand Colosseum does have the most substantial and involved postgame of any game not named Platinum so I am CONFLICTED.

Oh no, this place again. I'd really rather hoped to avoid returning to the Shadow Pokemon Lab, but I suppose it was inevitable. In we go again, encountering a few more Cipher Peons we've already met who want another go. I snag Murkrow, Forretress, Ariados, Vibrava, Granbull, and Aipom. Hooray! Finally we make it to Rosso, who's fumbling around incompetently with the PC in the place we fought Ein earlier. He laments he won't get to be an Admin when we beat him and snag his Quilava. Dude, you already get to dress differently, be happy with that.

As we leave we get another email informing us that the big Snag Machine is working again. Funny, because I was just at the Snagem Hideout and it, um... wasn't. I head there after a few more emails and encounter some more villainous types, snagging Piloswine, Gligar, Smeargle, and Ursaring on the way. Finally, it's time to take on Gonzap. But I'll leave that until next time.

26 Shadow Pokemon down, 22 to go! ...oh god, I'm going to have to go through that sodding cave again, aren't I? Ugggghhhhh.


Current team

Espeon @ Silk Scarf
Level 70 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 70 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Eleven

I realise that I missed Sneasel and Stantler earlier, so quickly run through the Snagem Hideout again to snag them both before I fight Gonzap for a second time.

Strangely enough, Gonzap's Crawdaunt proves to be the most dangerous opponent of all. His Machamp, Breloom, Granbull, and Armaldo all go down fairly quickly to Espeon's Psychic, but his Crawdaunt sets up a Swords Dance and rips Espeon apart with Hyper Beam, even despite me using Reflect. Eventually Umbreon manages to paralyse it, but it still takes a repeated battering of hits to finally bring it down. Of course, his Skarmory is no threat at all.

Gonzap cries like a baby and departs, leaving behind the D-Disk. Nice!

Right, time to head to Pyrite again and that dratted building. It would be nice if not everyone in here had to rechallenge us, but oh well, needs must. After a slew of mandatory battles against very underlevelled opponents I make it to the roof and rebattle Doken, snagging Qwilfish.

Into the cave now. At least here, you can avoid some of the trainers. I seek out the ones who have something worth seeking out, snagging Meditite, Dunsparce, and Swablu, and finally make it to the back cave where Reath and Ferma are languishing. Yeah, I should have come back earlier and fought Mirakle B. But oh well. I trounce them one last time and snag their Remoraid and Mantine. Woohoo!

Now that we've obtained the D-Disk and seen a photo of Miror B disappearing into the depths beneath the Under, time to head there. I deploy the D-Disk, and descend into the shadowy chasm, arriving in a strange, gloomy place far beneath the ground - the fabled Deep Colosseum. This is one very cool place, and the game's toughest challenge (in Story Mode, anyway). One worker in the lobby explains that this place is a former quarry, and that Cipher's Admins are waiting inside for me. Gotta wonder how deep this is supposed to be exactly. Good couple of miles, at least.

There's also a set of Steel Teeth on the ground which the man up top must have dropped, so I return them to him and he rewards me with the L-Disk, which lets us access... an Amulet Coin? Wow, why so late giving us this? I give it to Espeon anyway and enter the first round of battles.

For all that this place is hyped up, it's not that tough at all. Most of the opponents don't even have fully evolved Pokemon, for god's sake. And very few are even holding items. It's a far cry from, say, Orre Colosseum. But whevs. Their levels are high and I appreciate the experience.

At the end of the first round, Miror B shows up again! And you know what, for once he's actually pretty tough. His Ludicolo have high Special Defence and withstand a flurry of attacks from both Espeon and Umbreon, all the while setting up Rain Dance to allow each other to smack me with high-powered Hydro Pumps. At least his Exploud poses no threat, but Espeon has to be healed multiple times before I can knock out all three of his Ludicolo and finally snag his hopelessly underlevelled Sudowoodo.

36 Shadow Pokemon down! Only 12 more to go. Join us next time, where I fight the three actually competent Cipher Admins, finally purify some Pokemon at last, and return to Realgam Tower for a rather painful rematch with Evice...



Current team

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 73 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

Espeon @ Amulet Coin
Level 73 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Twelve

As we depart the Deep Colosseum, Nett emails us about a figure rumoured to be the top trainer in the Deep Colosseum, fittingly named the Deep King. Trying to ignore how much that sounds like some sleazy pick-up artist or a right-wing Youtube political conspiracy theorist, I head to Agate.

I left Makuhita in the Daycare earlier on, and sure enough, all the walking around I've done has completely emptied its Heart Gauge! So I take it into the Relic Forest and interact with the shrine, and Makuhita becomes my first purified Shadow Pokemon. That's one down... due to having assiduously boxed every single Shadow Pokemon as soon as I caught them, none of the others have any progress on their Gauges, so I figure it's time to change that. I gather up some more Shadows I've caught lately from the PC and do a bit more walking, which eventually purifies Skiploom, Flaaffy, Slugma, Furret, Misdreavus, Noctowl, Yanma, Sudowoodo, and Smeargle.

Right, back to the Deep Colosseum. I won't even bother summarising the preliminary trainers because they're all so feeble. So let's skip right ahead to the Admins!

Dakim!

At the end of the next round, Dakim appears! He announces his intention to defeat us, which seems a bit of a tall order given his prior performances. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

He sends out Claydol and Swampert. Unfortunately, he's still a wimpy baby who uses Earthquake+Protect instead of Earthquake+Levitate, so Swampert shields itself from Psychic while Claydol, brought to 50% by Faint Attack, fires off a weak Earthquake, barely denting my side. Next turn, Umbreon finishes Claydol with a second Faint Attack while Espeon brings Swampert in range of a KO, while Dakim... uses X Accuracy on both his squad. Really? Really?! Flygon comes out and nonsensically uses Sunny Day, thereby making it easier for Swampert to die to an errant Solarbeam, though Umbreon is able to kill it off anyway. Solrock comes out next, and Espeon finishes off Flygon while Umbreon decimates it with Faint Attack. Last of all, Entei. Oh yeah, I have to catch this. But Solrock fucking uses Earthquake and kills it! Oh my god, you actual useless buffoon I can't even-

I've decided I really hate Dakim.

Venus!

Venus appears at the end of the third round, pretty as ever. She leads with Meganium and Raichu, the latter of which is decimated by Psychic. The former proves to be an absolute wall that soaks up all my attacks. It uses Attract on Espeon and then sets up both Leech Seed and Ingrain, which heal off all the damage my Faint Attacks and Psychics can inflict.

Luckily, Umbreon is here to help. It poisons Meganium with Toxic and takes down Venus' Dusclops in two hits. When Blissey emerges, it poisons that, too, and then it's just a simple matter of healing Espeon and waiting for the poison damage to stack up. Like most opponents, Venus chooses to gang up on Espeon instead of varying her attacks. Grrr. Finally, I get an opening to use Secret Power on Blissey, which damages it enough to finish it off. Now it's just Suicune left, and then I can focus all my attention on finally bringing down her green dinosaur.

I swiftly catch Suicune* and restore Espeon to full health. Right, Meganium time. Umbreon lands two very ineffective Faint Attacks, but Espeon - still Attracted - fails to move twice in a row. Luckily, even despite Meganium's use of Giga Drain and the residual healing from Leech Seed and Ingrain, the poison damage has increased to higher percentages, and on the second turn it deals just enough to bring it down.

Phew. That was... well, not tough so much as just really frustrating. I've decided Venus is... alright.*

Ein!

Last of all is Ein! He angrily proclaims that he will punish us for thwarting Cipher's "SHADOW POKEMON CAPER", all in caps as though the caper specifically was some sort of... thing. Well then.

He opens with Rhydon and Gyarados, a solid pairing. Rhydon uses Protect, as all good Lightningrod mons are wont to do, and Gyarados sets up Rain Dance. But it never gets to enjoy the rain as Espeon 2HKOs with Psychic. Umbreon finally gets a hit in with Faint Attack the next turn, but Rhydon retaliates with a surprisingly powerful Earthquake.

Ein sends out Crobat in Rhydon's place, but Espeon - being several levels higher - is faster and destroys it with Psychic, while Umbreon finishes off Rhydon for a sweet double KO. And now it's Mantine and Raikou left. A pairing that works oddly well for some reason. But I promptly snag Raikou and blast Mantine with Psychic, doing a solid 50%, and the battle looks like it's more or less won. Mantine uses Confuse Ray, but Espeon for once overcomes confusion to strike again next turn and finishes it off.

Nice and easy does it. Ein is still very much the coolest, though.

Agnol!

Oh, right, Agnol too! The final round is finished by Agnol, the Deep King, Cipher's mightiest trainer (apparently?) and the top boss of the Deep Colosseum.

Agnol's strategy, as far as I can make out, is to use only Pokemon which have unique double-typings and minimal weaknesses, like Kingdra, Girafarig, and Sableye. Uh-huh. Hmm. Yeah, again, I'm not sure that that's so much a strategy so much as it is just a style. Or tactics I suppose at a push. His Shadow Pokemon is... an underlevelled Shuckle.

I just... really? That? For what is supposed to be the final, most imposing trainer?

Don't get me wrong. I love Shuckle. Truly, I do. It's one of my favourite Gen II mons. But... this, for the final big boss of the game?** Talk about a letdown. Sure it fits his theme, to an extent. I guess. Well, except it doesn't because Bug/Rock isn't a unique typing in Gen III (Armaldo says holla) and it's just not any sort of offensive threat whatsoever.

I mean seriously. I get that Shuckle had to be here somewhere since it's not in RS and it's a Johto Pokemon with no evolutionary ties to Gen I. But firstly, why is it so weak here (if Tyranitar absolutely had to be the highest-levelled Shadow Pokemon then fine, but XD had no problem making Dragonite more powerful than Lugia) and couldn't they have just given it to some mook? It's not like there aren't loads of other uniquely-typed Shadow Pokemon in this game that could have served instead.

Nope,

not

a

single

one.

Anyway. Let's move on.

Despite my grievances with his choice of Shadow mon, Agnol actually is a legitimate threat. He opens with Kingdra and Girafarig. Kingdra, which survives two (!!) Psychics, slams Espeon with Hydro Pump while Agnol irritatingly heals it when it gets close to fainting. Girafarig is thankfully a little easier, as is Shedinja.

But then Skarmory and Sableye come out together. Skarmory slams Espeon with a surprisingly tough Steel Wing, while Sableye follows up with Shadow Ball, knocking it out. Thanks to the AI mechanic that causes opponents to make their moves after you, every time I use a Revive and automatically bring it back out, the opponents simply target it the very same turn, KOing it again. Realising that I'm trapped in a cycle, I opt to just use Umbreon and slowly whittle them both down with Faint Attack. Sableye is a 3HKO, and Agnol sends out his Shuckle. Well, I can ignore that - Skarmory takes six hits to bring down, with me having to heal frequently. Once it's finally down and it's safe to bring out Espeon again, I snag Shuckle and emerge as the ultimate Deep Colosseum victor.

I have decided Agnol is... fine, just really lacking in potential.

Now I just need to redo the first two rounds and finally snag that dratted Entei...



Current team

Espeon @ Amulet Coin
Level 77 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 77 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight



____

Fun trivia #4 - curiously, Suicune is the only Shadow Pokemon to have a varying moveset. It knows Rain Dance, Leer, Gust, and Surf if you snag it at either of the previous two locations, but it will know Hydro Pump instead of Surf if you catch it here.

*Also my headcanon is that she's Lovrina's mentor or personal tutor or something due to the immense similarity in both strategy and Pokemon used by the pair of them.

**Togetic does not count, for reasons I will resolutely fail to provide

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Thirteen

After redoing the relevant bit of Deep Colosseum to snag Entei, I walk around... a lot... and purify all the Shadow Pokemon I've caught. A most tedious and lengthy process.

Back to Realgam Tower, then. I stop by the casino-y bit downstairs to face off against Verde again and nab his Bayleef before proceeding upstairs. Silva is still here, guarding the entrance for some reason, and when we reach the final level Nascour greets us as if we didn't already defeat and arrest him. How curious.

Anyway, now that my levels are suitably beefed up, I have no trouble dispatching the four tournament trainers Nascour deploys against us, and snag their Miltank, Absol, Houndoom, and Tropius with little difficulty. Then we face Nascour once more.

He leads with Xatu and Gardevoir. The former goes down quickly to Faint Attack, but the latter survives a Return and fires off a Thunderbolt, paralysing Espeon. Bit annoying, that. Next out is Blaziken, so I target Gardevoir with Umbreon and go for a Psychic on Blaziken. Both moves succeed.

Nascour next sends out Walrein and Dusclops. Both survive the moves I throw at them; Walrein uses Attract on Espeon, and Dusclops uses Confuse Ray. Irritatingly, Espeon fails to attack next turn, though Umbreon is able to eliminate the Attract nonsense by finishing off Walrein. And then out comes Metagross. Snagging it is the work of a moment, and Espeon finally gets its act together and kills off Dusclops.

Nascour cries that we beat him, and the same old scene with Es Cade/Evice plays out. Right, time to fight you again, you big rotund bastard.

He leads with Slaking and Salamence. Even though I'm almost 20 levels higher now, I still think it's worth boosting my defences, so I set up Reflect with Espeon while using an X Defend on Umbreon. Of course, Slaking's Crush Claw lowers Espeon's defence. Typical. Salamence uses Dragon Dance, so I abandon any plans to patch it up and quickly KO it next turn with Psychic.

Scizor's up next. This, of course, is the one I'm most afraid of, so I pile on with Faint Attack and Psychic, very nearly KOing it outright. But I needn't have worried. Evice wastes his Slaking's active turn using X Attacks on both his Pokemon, so Umbreon is able to pick Scizor off the next turn while Espeon takes care of Slaking.

Bringing up the rear are Machamp and Slowking. Neither seem terribly difficult, but while Espeon KOs Machamp, Slowking uses Shadow Ball and gets a critical hit, knocking Espeon out. This forces me to send out one of the Shadow Pokemon I just caught. Ugh. I go with Miltank and use its turn to revive Espeon while Umbreon heals itself. Evice heals his Slowking up to full health and Tyranitar uses Thunder on Miltank, taking it to 50%. Good good. Next turn, Tyranitar obligingly knocks it out for me and Espeon returns to the fight. Umbreon finishes Slowking off, and I use Morning Sun to recover some of Espeon's HP (yeah yeah, it's not much with Sandstorm, but it's enough to survive Tyranitar's Shadow Rush). Right, time to go for the snag. I throw the Master Ball at his Tyranitar, and we're done.

Duking, Silva, Sherles, Johnson, and Eagun arrive to arrest Evice all over again, and Ho-Oh blows his helicopter up again. And then the credits roll again.

That was much more pleasant the second time around. That's all for now - next up, the concluding part of our adventure, as my journey finally comes to an end.


Current team

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 79 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight

Espeon @ Amulet Coin
Level 79 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Part Fourteen

We respawn in Outskirt Stand as per usual, but receive an email from Dash, the jogger at Phenac City, accusing us of assaulting him. Well, that's weird. I quickly purify Bayleef then go over to Phenac and talk to Dash, but he refuses to believe it wasn't me. Gee, you'd think this wasn't a universe where shapeshifters and masters of disguise exist or something.

Nett emails to tell us that the final Shadow Pokemon left to capture is a Togetic. Coincidentally, Bitt then emails and asks why we're assaulting people with a Shadow Pokemon. When we visit the Under, he says he's certain it's not me. Thank you! Finally someone with a functioning brain.

We get an email urging us to watch TV at once, and sure enough, there's a news report of someone who looks very like me with a Shadow Togetic. My, my. What's going on here?

I head to the Outskirt Stand, but another email arrives, saying we need to watch TV again. This particular news report shows me at Outskirt Stand. But that's where we are now! I head outside and see a bizarre scene: me, having just battled and defeated Rider Willie, while a news reporter watches. Upon confronting the mysterious man, he reveals himself to be not Heroic and Thoroughly Handsome Man Eryll, but a Shady Guy!

He sends out an Armaldo and Manectric. Espeon drops Manectric with Psychic, but Umbreon's Faint Attack isn't enough to do the same to Armaldo, and it shreds me with Rock Blast. Milotic comes out next, and while Espeon takes down Armaldo, it launches a Hydro Pump at it, bringing it to ~10%. Houndoom replaces Armaldo, and while Espeon uses Morning Sun, it's not enough to prevent a combined Hydro Pump and Crunch from KOing it. I send out my own Houndoom and use it as meatshield to revive Espeon while I poison Milotic with Toxic. It does that job splendidly, and Espeon returns to the battle and promptly finishes off Houndoom with Return.

The Shady Guy brings out a Gyarados next. I gang up on it, a combined Psychic and Faint Attack proving just enough to bring it down. Milotic, despite already being poisoned, hilariously wastes a turn using Safeguard. Oh dear.

And out comes the Shady Guy's Shadow Togetic. Level 20 kind of suits it, but how hilarious would it have been if this was, like level 70? For some reason that idea seems super dumb. Anyway, I still have my Master Ball. No need for the duplication glitch any more - this is the final Pokemon in the game. I throw it and it - of course - makes a successful catch. Just Milotic left. Espeon steps up to land the final blow of the run, finishing it with a mighty Psychic attack. Good job, buddy.

The Shady Guy reveals himself to be Fein, a Cipher Peon. Wow. I might just fall over from shock. He insists that my reputation's trash, even though... there was a reporter covering our battle. Like, that's about as cleared as my name can be.

Also, I'm a serial Pokemon thief who blew up a building. What reputation, exactly?

Anyway... now I have seven Shadow Pokemon to purify. Better get to my task. But, to be honest, I'm not even going to bother with Tyranitar. With a Heart Gauge of 20,000 (higher than any other Pokemon, even those in XD) it's a waste of resources when I have a Time Flute unused in my bag. So I buy a bunch of Scents, run around a lot, and a few brief hours later...

All done. I take Tyranitar to the forest and summon Celebi. You know, I'm sure I saw a movie like this once...



Time passes, and with the threat from Cipher abated and all the Shadow Pokemon purified, Orre returns to peace. Time passes, and the events of the past begin to feel like just another distant memory.

But me? I keep battling, keep training, keep winning, ever on guard in case Orre ever needs me again. In time I return to the slopes of mighty Mt. Battle, ready to finally undertake the legendary 100-trainer challenge. It's a long journey up the mountain, but I'm ready for this. And eventually, I emerge victorious; the hero who stopped the Shadow crisis and proved himself the greatest trainer.

The clouds part, and Ho-Oh descends to meet me.

Fin​

Final team

Espeon @ Amulet Coin
Level 80 (Male)
Psychic
Return
Reflect
Morning Sun

Umbreon @ Quick Claw
Level 80 (Male)
Faint Attack
Secret Power
Toxic
Moonlight



______________

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far, hope you've enjoyed the run.

 

[TerrickTerran]

Great fun reading all this.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Great fun reading all this.

Thank you!

 

[That Weirdd Guy]

Absolutely loved this, thank you for the great read! I may have to finally go out and get this game and beat it all over again.

 

[QuentinQuonce]

Absolutely loved this, thank you for the great read! I may have to finally go out and get this game and beat it all over again.

Thank you, that's so great to read!